July 1--Being Helpful Beings

The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence.  No, not at
all.  Fences have nothing to do with it.  The grass is greenest where it is watered.
When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever
you may be.

Robert Fulghum

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

I like Robert's practical way of looking at the world.  Of course, he's not addressing the metaphorical meaning about envy of the original saying, but that's okay--he's making another important point by turning an old saying on its head.  And he's right--the grass is greenest where it's watered.  When we take care of the things in our lives, when we give them the nutrients and care that they need to grow and thrive, then they shall thrive, and the grass will be green and healthy.

And it truly doesn't matter where the grass is.  A neighbor can need encouragement, and that's grass that we can water.  A co-worker can need to hear some words of friendly and helpful advice, and that's another patch of grass to which we can give water.  A colleague may need some help with a personal problem, and we can water that lawn, too, with the offer of time and help.

Somehow our culture has grown even more obsessed over time with the concept of me-first, the idea of making sure that our grass is greener than any of the neighbors', and we've even come to look at ourselves as somehow lacking as people if one of our neighbors has a nicer-looking lawn than we do.  But communities thrive only when people help each other, without regard to fences or ownership or comparisons.

Wherever I go today or tomorrow, if I carry a small bucket of water with me I can make sure that I'm able to water any grass that I find that needs it.  In my own small, seemingly insignificant way, I can make a contribution to the beauty and health of the entire neighborhood instead of focusing solely on what makes me look better in my own eyes.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

What might life be like if we always spend it in competition to have greener grass than the neighbors?

Whose grass might you be able to tend just a bit in the next day or two?

In what ways might you be able to tend the grass of others?

* * * * *

For further thought:

The greatest comfort of my old age, and that which gives me

the highest satisfaction, is the pleasing remembrance of the
many benefits and friendly offices I have done to others.

Cato



More thoughts and ideas on helpfulness

June 30--Moderation and Happiness

To be without some of the things you want
is an indispensable part of happiness.

Bertrand Russell

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

I can think of a nice long list of things that I'd be happy to have.  But to me there's a significant difference between being "happy to have" something and needing those things to be happy.  And when I think about it, I believe that one of the reasons I feel pretty happy without those things is that since I don't have them, I have something to look forward to, something that I can work towards, something that I can aspire to.  And with most things, it's the process of getting them that's much more rewarding than actually having them.

I've been one of those people who yearns and yearns and yearns for something, working hard to get it, almost not being able to wait until I finally attained it.  And then when I had it, I would play with it for a day or two, then almost completely forget it.  (And yes, even as an adult I have to use the term "play"--I have to be realistic!)

Nowadays, though, I'm more likely to just enjoy the ride.  If I decide I want something, I start working towards it and do my best to enjoy the work.  The funny thing is, very often I enjoy the work so much that my desire for the thing I wanted goes away, as I find that I'm pretty happy without it.

And of course, there's also the side to this story that says that sometimes the things that we want are things that will end up being bad for us. . . and it's a very good thing that we don't get them.  The problem is that we usually recognize the positive side of this in hindsight.

We all know that happiness isn't about having.  Happiness comes from our own thoughts and our own perceptions of our lives and all that contributes to those lives.  Doing without some of the things we want can help us to appreciate the things we do have even more, and it can help us to make some changes in our lives that can be very, very positive as long as we're careful about what those changes are!

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

What would happen if we automatically received everything that we want?

How can being without something we want contribute to our happiness?

What are some of the things that you want, but that you don't have?  How can your lack of those things help to make you happy?

* * * * *

For further thought:

May we never let the things we can’t have, or don’t have, or shouldn’t have, spoil our enjoyment of the things we do have and can have.  As we value our happiness, let us not forget it, for one of the greatest lessons in life is learning to be happy without the things we cannot or should not have.

Richard L. Evans




More thoughts and ideas on moderation

June 29--The Glory of Parenthood

Parents are often so busy with the physical rearing of children that they
miss the glory of parenthood, just as the grandeur of trees is lost
when raking leaves.

Marcelene Cox

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

I know many, many parents who fall into this trap.  Somehow, they seem to completely miss the fun and joy and glory of being parents, of having these new lives to care for, to watch as they grow, to learn with and from.  Parents tend to take the children for granted, or view them as responsibilities rather than gifts, or try to control them too much and get angry and frustrated when their efforts at control don't always work.

How many people do you know who would talk about "the glory of parenthood"?  How many celebrate their opportunities to be parents each day?  And how many parents focus more on the bills than on the child's learning how to speak?  How many focus more on the one time the child disobeyed than on the ten times the child did just what he or she was asked to do?

And if you're not a parent, how many other situations are you in, in which you've stopped recognizing your privileges and honors?  I'm a teacher, and I need to remind myself constantly that it's a great privilege to be able to spend time with so many young people.  The best waitress I ever knew looked at her job as an opportunity to serve people and to get to know them, too.  There's a certain glory to having the privilege of serving other people, but it's something that we do have to remind ourselves about.

Let's not get so busy with the minutiae of our jobs that we forget the glory of serving others.  Let's not get so busy with the bills and the dinners and washing the clothes that we forget just how amazing it is to be able to be a parent.  If we can keep this in mind, both our parenthood and our children's childhoods will be improved greatly, and wonderful memories will be created every single day.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

What are some of the glorious elements of parenthood?  What makes them glorious?

How might you stay aware of the more wonderful parts of parenthood, or of the work that you do or other relationships that you have?

What can we do to shift our focus when we get too busy?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Whenever I held my newborn baby in my arms, I used to think
that what I said and did to him could have an influence not
only on him but on all whom he met, not only for a day or
a month or a year, but for all eternity--a very challenging
and exciting thought for a mother.

Rose Kennedy




more on parents and parenting

June 28--What Is an Argument Worth?

When you let someone else win an argument, often you both end up winners.

Richard Carlson

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

I've actually learned to do this much more often as I grow older.  It no longer matters to me whether or not my logic is stronger than someone else's, whether my perspective makes more sense than someone else's, whether my memory of a certain thing is more accurate than someone else's.  I've found that in most cases, arguments that I have are simply a waste of time; time spent in conflict that I could be spending having a pleasant conversation with someone I care for.

When we think in more of a big-picture sort of way, it's easy to see that five years from now--heck, even two hours from now--it's not going to matter one single bit who won this argument, if anyone.  But in allowing the other person to win it, without saying anything about doing so, I can give something intangible to that person, a feeling of accomplishment, even of worth.  And while I know that feelings of self-worth shouldn't be tied up in whether or not we win arguments, I also know that sometimes they are, and it's something that I can give very easily.

Of course, there are arguments in which we should give no quarter.  When someone is arguing that we should compromise our morals and principles, we should not give in.  When someone is arguing for intolerance or racism or hatred or ignorance, we're not doing anyone any good by giving in (though we're probably not doing much good when we argue, either; it's best just to back out of these).  But sometimes we can create a positive outcome by allowing someone to win an argument, and if it's wholly within our power to do so, then why not make two winners in the situation instead of trying to be the only one?

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Why does it sometimes seem very important to us that we win arguments, whatever the cost may be?

How might we "both end up winners" if we let the other person win an argument?

What purpose do arguments usually serve?  Is that a purpose that's truly important to us?

* * * * *

For further thought:

I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent.
People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often,
is a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.

Dave Barry

June 27--Life Is What It Is

Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful.

Annette Funicello

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

Sometimes I get caught up in thinking that "I wish things were the way I wish they were."  In other words, I have an idea in my mind of just how things should be in order for life to be perfect, and I think that if the world were that way--perfect for me--then I would be happy and I would enjoy all the world has to offer.  It's rather silly of me, but it's something I do.

What I really want to get good at is having faith that the way things are right now is the best possible way for them to be if I'm to grow as a person and a spirit.  For if I can have that faith, then I will be much more adept at seeing the wonderful things all around me as wonderful things, instead of looking at them and wishing they were somehow different.  Because what Annette says is true even when reworded:  Life is wonderful even if things aren't "perfect."

In my life I've dealt with death and sickness and debt and betrayal and all sorts of other things, but life never has ceased to be wonderful.  What's been lacking has been my ability to see and appreciate just how wonderful life is.  I've been too focused on the negative things, or I've been wishing so hard for things to be different, that I've just missed the beauty and the wonder.

What a shame that has been.

So I remind myself now, whenever I start thinking that life isn't so wonderful, to keep my perspective.  I remind myself that it's up to me to see and hear and feel the wonder--life's always doing its job of showing it to me.  Waiting for things to be perfect is a fool's errand, and a great way to let life pass you by--you'll miss the beauty and wonder because you're waiting for the beauty and wonder.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

How easy is it to get caught up in wishing things were different than they are?  What do we miss when we do?

From where do we get our desires for a "perfect" life, based on our vision of what perfect would be?

What kinds of wonderful things are in your life right now?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Life, like any other exciting story, is bound to have
painful and scary parts, boring and depressing
parts, but it's a brilliant story, and it's up to us
how it will turn out in the end.

Bo Lozoff




More thoughts and ideas on life

June 26--Choosing Success

 

Every successful person I have heard of
has done the best they could with the
conditions as they found them, and not
waited until next year for better.

E.W. Howe

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

You get what you get, and while there is always the possibility of asking for more, the fact is that at this moment, no matter where you are or what you're doing, you have what you have, and you have to make do with that.  While limitations often limit our possibilities and make jobs harder to accomplish, they also are a fact of life, and it's the people who push on with what they have at hand who tend to learn how to compensate for limitations and who grow much more accomplished at doing much with little.

I've taken teaching jobs in which I've been put in a classroom with absolutely no textbooks or other materials.  The challenge for me has been to make the time in class worthwhile for the students, for they certainly don't deserve to be wasting their time in a class where they aren't learning anything.  I had the choice of doing what I could to make things work or complaining about the lack of materials and not doing anything in the class.  Had I done the latter I might have gotten materials sooner, but the students wouldn't have gotten anything out of their time with me.  And in making do with limited resources, I learned a lot of strategies that make teaching much, much easier when I do have the materials I need.

Things have always gotten better with time, but we can't wait for that to happen if we want to take advantage of the opportunities of the present moment.  There is a certain attraction to waiting until things will be easier, but there are many benefits to trying to make things work with what you have.  Life rarely offers us situations that are perfectly structured for us to deal with them, and the better we get at dealing with difficult situations, the more effective we'll get at them as time goes on.

Success is a result of choices.  We choose how we go about what we do, and it's completely up to us if we push ourselves or just try to do the bare minimum; if we want to take our success in our own hands or blame circumstances for our lack of success.  And building a history of smaller successes because we don't just wait for conditions to be right can give us a successful career, relationship, or life, when all is said and done.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

How many people never ever start something they want to do because they're waiting for circumstances to be just right?

Who are some of the most successful people you know?  How do they achieve their success?

Why do we hesitate to start something when it looks like we don't have everything we need to accomplish it?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Success in the important departments of life seldom comes naturally, no more naturally than success at anything--a musical instrument, sports, fly-fishing, tennis, golf, business, marriage, parenthood, landscape gardening.  But somehow people wait passively for success to come to them, living as other people are living in the unspoken, tacit assumption that other people know how to live successfully.

Earl Nightingale





More thoughts and ideas on success

June 25--Having Faith

Faith is knowing there is an ocean because you have seen a brook.

William Arthur Ward

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

It's nice being confident that there's an ocean that the water runs to.  It brings a bit of order to our life, a bit of confidence that we don't have to earn through our own efforts.  Faith, to me, means relaxing and enjoying things because I know that they will work out, because I know that no matter what I do, there's no way that I can help that water get to the ocean any faster--nor is there any reason at all for doing so.

I really do tire of people who tell us that things aren't working out because our faith isn't strong enough, as if God's going to punish us because we haven't seen the ocean yet.  Those of us who know the ocean know the amazing results of all those streams and rivers running downhill for so many miles, but what of the people who never have seen the ocean, who haven't yet experienced the results of smaller things coming together to create a greater whole?  In no way is there lack of knowledge their fault, just as a person who never has experienced abundance may not have faith in the end of their poverty.

But I do know about brooks and oceans, so I can have faith in small things working their way towards a greater goal.  I can have faith that my small effort will combine with the small efforts of many other people to contribute to the ocean of the results of such efforts, helping to add to the love and compassion of the world.  I can have faith that the brook of my giving will combine with the giving of others to reach an ocean of giving which will provide for millions of people, not just the few that I can reach myself.

I do have faith in my small effort, and I do have faith in my love and compassion.  I can give these things only to the few people with whom I have contact, but my faith tells me that there are many more people out there giving much more than I, and our efforts together will lead to beautiful results.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Why does it sometimes seem like our small efforts are pointless or too limited to be useful?

How might our small efforts combine with the small efforts of others?

How can we contribute to strengthening our faith that things will turn out well, that all effort will contribute to the greater good?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Faith is to believe what you do not yet see;
the reward for this faith is to see what you believe.

St. Augustine



More thoughts and ideas on faith

June 24--Confidence

 
People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can
do things.  When they believe in themselves they have the first secret of success.

Norman Vincent Peale

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

One of the most important lessons that I've learned is that when I believe in myself, I can do great things.  This goes back even to Little League baseball--when I was on a minor league team, I was really good, and one of the most dominant players among the seven teams.  I could pitch, I could hit, I could field. . . I really could do anything.  But the major league intimidated me, and when I did reach the major league, I suddenly lost the belief in myself, and my performance went down significantly.  Instead of playing every position on the team when needed, I played right field, and I never did all that well in my year there.

Our belief in ourselves is the most important key to accomplishing things that may be difficult or challenging.  If I believe that I can do something, then when I face obstacles, I'll simply look for ways to get past the obstacles.  I'll tackle the challenge with enthusiasm and creativity instead of with hesitancy and fear.  My confidence level is higher, and confidence does, indeed, breed positive results.

This principal is one that I use to guide my teaching, also.  I spend almost as much time trying to instill confidence in my students as I do trying to get them to learn information or processes, for I know that when they're confident in their own abilities, it takes them much less time to learn the material.

Norman calls it a "secret" of success, but I really don't see any secret to it.  When we believe in ourselves in a realistic and thoughtful way, we're able to do what other people may consider to be amazing things, even though to us they may be ordinary things that are done very well.  No matter what the perspective, though, we need to keep in mind that a lack of belief in our own abilities can sabotage all our efforts, while a belief that we can do what we set out to do can make all the difference between success and failure.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Why do we so often doubt ourselves?

What are some of the things that you're not extremely good at, but that you can do even so?

How might you go about strengthening your belief in yourself and your abilities?

* * * * *

For further thought:

They are able because they think they are able.

Virgil

more on confidence

June 23--Life Is for Enjoying, No?

No person is a failure who is enjoying life.

William Feather

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

Some of the nicest days that I have are the days that are spent enjoying things--enjoying the company of friends, enjoying the food that I eat, enjoying the fresh cool breeze, enjoying the music I hear and the sounds of the birds.  There's so much to enjoy here, and it's not just limited to things that are outside of us.  We are full participants in this experience of life--or we should be--and we can enjoy our own contributions to life and living just as much as we can enjoy the contributions of others.

What always fascinates me, though, is the number of people who are hugely successful based on the terms of society--wealth, social position, fame, etc.--but who don't seem to enjoy life much.  They tend to be petty, selfish, egotistical, greedy, arrogant, and rude--all indications that inside they're not happy at all, and not enjoying this wonderful life they've been given.

While I don't like a lot of the artificial stress that comes with teaching high school, I really do enjoy the job, and I enjoy working with young people, helping them to improve their skills and grow as people.  When I'm not at school, I find other things that I enjoy doing, and I pass on things that I don't enjoy, as much as I can.  This life is very short, so why would we spend any more time than necessary doing things that we don't enjoy?

You don't see my name in the newspapers and you don't see me being interviewed on TV.  That's fine with me.  I'm succeeding on my terms, mostly because I've found things that I really enjoy doing and I've gotten really good at them.  Because of that, I know that each day will be full of things that I enjoy, and I'm very, very thankful that I've had the good sense to try to do what I like to do instead of striving to be successful in the eyes of other people who wouldn't hesitate a second to criticize all I do.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Are you a success in life?  Why or why not?  If not, what could you do today to put yourself on the path to success?

What portion of each day do you actually enjoy?  What portion don't you enjoy?  How might you create more of the former and go through less of the latter?

What does "failure" mean to you?  Does a person who truly enjoys the life that he or she is living fall into that definition?

* * * * *

For further thought:

No one has success until he or she has the abounding life.  This is
made up of the many-fold activity of energy, enthusiasm and
gladness. It is to spring to meet the day with a thrill at being
alive. It is to go forth to meet the morning in an ecstasy of joy.
It is to realize the oneness of humanity in true spiritual sympathy.

Lillian Whiting

More thoughts and ideas on life

June 22--Time to Slow Down

Flowers do not force their way with great strife.  Flowers open
to perfection slowly in the sun.  Don't be in a hurry about
spiritual matters.  Go step by step, and be very sure.

White Eagle

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

Relax.  Be patient.  Take your time.  Not words that we like to hear these days--mostly because we almost never hear them.  Instead, we're told constantly to hurry up or we'll miss the boat or miss the deadline.  We're told to get it done yesterday, because it's that important.  We're led to believe that people who relax and slow down and take it easy are slackers, lazy people who somehow aren't as good as everyone else.

Think about it, though.  Would you want a surgeon operating on you who's trying to hurry through the process so he can move on to his next obligation?  Would you want a lawyer taking care of your case who's trying to get it done as quickly as he can?  And that person working on your car--should he or she barrel through the job as quickly as he or she can, or do you want that person to take their time?

Those three questions almost answer themselves.  But that same desire to have someone take their time and do it right is something that we rarely afford ourselves--the opportunity to do something slowly, patiently, with reverence and attention.  We try to become something we're not in days rather than years.  Our spirits--simply the most important part of who we are as human beings--are so often treated without any respect or dignity at all, and we do pay a huge price for it, with frustration, depression, despair, hopelessness, and all sorts of other results of the neglect we show to our spiritual development.

Take your time.  Do it right.  Ask  yourself important questions, then take your time and answer those questions accurately and fully.  Then move on to the next one.  Decide how you want to act, and who you want to be, then move towards being that person.  Don't get frustrated when you make mistakes and backslide--that's all part of the process.  But please don't hurry, for the results of hurry rarely are the results that will last and that will do you good.  Go for the lasting results, take your time and enjoy the process of discovery.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

What have you done recently to develop your spiritual side?

How are you sure when certain steps that you take are right or wrong?

Think of the most gifted spiritual people you know.  How much effort have they put into becoming the spiritually gifted people they are?  How long has it taken them?

* * * * *

For further thought:

It’s tempting, when faced with a flaw of the spirit or other growth issue, to pray for and expect immediate change.  Sometimes it happens.  But how lost and confused we feel if our prayers don’t bring the instant relief we seek.  During such times, it’s good to remember that all facets of our nature—whether traits we love about ourselves or those we want to improve—are part of our God-created being.  Even our less-than-desirable parts are there for a reason and contain His lessons for us.  When change seems to come slowly, don’t give up hope.  Consider that the timetable for your growth is in God’s hands.

unattributed



more on slowing down

June 21--Eyes Open to the Miraculous

To be alive, to be able to see, to walk. . . it's all a miracle.
I have adopted the technique of living life from miracle to miracle.

Artur Rubinstein

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

"Miracle to miracle."  From lunch with a friend to a job working on a computer that's connected all over the world, to a drive home in a vehicle that can travel at great speeds over roads that allow for those great speeds almost anywhere we'd ever want to go, to the home made of wood and wires and gypsum and that has gas and water and electric lines running into and out of it, to dinner with our family that includes completely unique human beings with whom we have special relationships. . . . And on and on.  Life is full of miracles.

Unfortunately, we tend to live our lives from task to task, or meeting to meeting, or obligation to obligation.  We stop seeing the miraculous in the things that we do, in the things we do them with, or in the people with whom we interact.  The miraculous is absolutely everywhere, though we tend to see it not.  We tend to look with jaded eyes that take things for granted, that look only at the surfaces, and then our minds jump to conclusions as to what things are based on previous experience, so we never get the chance to see things as brand new, as wonderful, as miracles.

What's the big deal?  We've gotten along fine without seeing everything as a miracle so far, so why bother trying to change?  I suppose the question is simple:  have we really gotten along fine, or have we simply been existing?  Have we truly gotten all that we can out of our experiences, or have we merely been skimming the surfaces?  I have to admit that far too often I skim the surface, and I'm sure that I miss a lot of the miraculous because I think I know something already.

Artur said that he had "adopted the technique."  It's a technique that could help us all to get more out of these lives that we're living, if we only take the time and make the effort to develop techniques of our own for recognizing and appreciating the many, many miracles that we witness and experience each day that we live.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

What kinds of miracles are in your life right now, at this moment?

How might we go about "developing the technique" of moving from miracle to miracle in our lives?

Why is it so easy for us to miss seeing the miraculous?

* * * * *

For further thought:
You can become blind by seeing each day as a similar one.
Each day is a different one, each day brings a miracle of its own.
It's just a matter of paying attention to this miracle.

Paulo Coelho




More quotations on miracles

June 20--Harming Our Spirits

Why do you hasten to remove anything which hurts your eye,
while if something affects your soul you postpone the cure until next year?

Horace

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

It is true that we pay very close attention to the immediate problems, those things that cause pain to our nerves, and not so close attention to those things that aren't nearly as obvious.  Why does it take alcoholics and drug addicts so long to fight behaviors that are damaging them terribly?  If they had a thorn in their foot, they'd remove it immediately, but the addiction, which does far more damage than any thorn ever could, is left to fester and cause further harm.

I know that part of the reason has to do with the fact that we're not taught to recognize such problems or the harm they do.  Another part of the problem is that even if we do recognize them, we have a tendency to minimize their effects on us, and even deny that they have any effect at all.  "I can quit any time I want," we say, or "I'll quit cheating on my taxes next year, when I have more money," or "I need this more than he does."

What happens when we do hurt our souls?  We can see a cut or a sore, but the damage to our spirits in not to be seen, only felt.  And if we devote ourselves to constant entertainment--constant distractions to keep ourselves from thinking about the condition of our souls--then we develop plausible deniability about whether there's even any damage at all.  But the damage is there, whether we admit it or not, and eventually it will catch up with us and bring us down for a time.

Our souls are very important, but we tend to live as soulless creatures, simply making our ways through each day without thinking about how we'll nourish and care for our spiritual sides.  We can damage our souls with our behaviors, so it's very important that we make sure that the behaviors are appropriate not just for the people we are, but also for the people we want to be.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Why is it often hard to see any damage that we might be doing to our souls?

How might we take stock of the condition of our souls in order to care for them well?

Are you a spiritual being, or simply a physical being?  Do you act like one?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Many of us unknowingly damage our Souls with our negative attitudes and actions or by simple neglect.  By making the relationship with your Soul an important part of your life, however, by honoring it in your daily routine, you give your life greater meaning and substance.  Use your experiences--all of them--as opportunities to nourish your Soul!

Elisabeth Kuebler-Ross




More quotations on spirit

June 19--Understanding Ourselves

When you try to understand everything, you will
not understand anything.  The best way is to understand
yourself, and then you will understand everything.

Shunryu Suzuki

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

How little we tend to value ourselves!  How often we think that others are smarter than we are, know more than we do, are more capable than we are, are able to deal with adversity better than we are.  I think that this tendency comes from the ways that we look at our own ignorance--we're all ignorant of almost everything in this world except our tiny field of personal knowledge, yet somehow we think that others understand better than we do.

But what if we do what Shunryu suggests, and we come to understand ourselves?  What if we truly try to figure out our motivations, our desires, the ways that we act in relationships?  What if we learn the truth about why we're so defensive sometimes (just what is our fear?), or why we have a hard time letting go of control in certain situations (just what need are we trying to fulfill?).  When we can understand these things, we can understand other people, also, for we're all quite similar, when all is said and done.

When I can understand my own fears, I can recognize when another person is afraid, and perhaps help that person.  When I understand that I have a need to make myself look good to other people, I can recognize that trait in others, and perhaps even work away from it myself.  When I understand my own prejudices and judgmental tendencies, I can become more tolerant of those of other people when I understand them better--and maybe I can even help them to work through their prejudices and biases.

This world is huge, and when we try to understand too many things that we see as fragmented and separate, we become overwhelmed.  We know the truth about ourselves, though, whether we admit that truth or not.  And when we come to grips with those truths and understand ourselves more clearly, we can finally give ourselves a chance to understand everything about the world that exists in perfect unity, for we'll finally see ourselves as being connected to the whole clearly and completely.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Why do we tend to want to understand everything?

How hard does it get sometimes to see what truly matters and what seems to matter, but really doesn't?  Why do we have this difficulty?

Do you know yourself?  Do you admit to yourself what you know about yourself?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Each heart is a world.--
You find all within yourself that you find without.--
To know yourself you have only to set down a true statement
of these that ever loved or hated you.

Johann Kasper Lavater



More quotations on self

June 18--Living Today Well

 
We know nothing about
tomorrow; our business is
to be good and happy today.

Sydney Smith

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

I have plans for tomorrow, and I think I know what I'll be doing.  From what I know about life, though, those plans may change--something may happen that will make all my plans come undone.  It used to be that I would worry about that, especially if my plans were really positive.  I would spend quite a bit of time feeling tense and nervous in fear that my plans would be spoiled.  And sometimes my plans actually didn't come through as planned, but I can never recall a time when that actually spelled disaster for me or for anyone else.  Things always worked out.

Because of such experiences, I realize that there's no need to worry about tomorrow, today.  At this moment, there's work to do, or there are people to talk to, or there's food to eat, or there's someone to keep company, or there's a walk to take, or there's an e-mail to write or something fun to do or somebody who needs help with something.  Today calls me to do today's tasks, not to spend time being concerned with tomorrow.

"Good and happy."  These are two words that complement each other very well, and if we can focus on accomplishing these two things on a day-to-day basis, then we can start to build a good and happy life.  We can start to live our lives during this new day, striving to be both good and happy, and then tomorrow we can start all over again with a brand-new today.

We like to think we know something about tomorrow, simply because we've made some plans.  But the truth is that tomorrow may hold its own plans for us, so let's not lose focus on this day in our lives, for this is the only day--of all the days in the history and future of the world--in which we can act.  So let's do so, and let's let our actions be good, and let's cherish the happiness that comes of leading good lives on a beautiful planet that's filled with wonderful people.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Why is it so tempting to spend much of our time thinking about what's going to be happening in the future?

How can we keep our focus on today and on our actions on this day?

What does it mean to you to "be good and happy today"?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Sufficient it is to know that the way we lived our yesterday
has determined for us our today.  And, again, when the
morning with its fresh beginning comes, all tomorrows should
be tomorrows, with which we have nothing to do.  Sufficient
to know that the way we live our today determines our tomorrow.

Ralph Waldo Trine




More quotes and passages on living today well

June 17--Success without Effort?

June 17
 
 
The elevator to success is out of order.  You'll
have to use the stairs, one step at a time.
Joe Girard

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:
It's very easy in the world of today to start to think that we're somehow entitled to success and abundance--after all, there are tons of people telling us that the abundance of the universe is our God-given right, and all we have to do is think differently and we'll be blessed with everything we ever wanted.  We don't necessarily have to work for it or put forth any effort in order to get it.  All we have to do is step on the elevator and push the button for the successful level we desire, and we'll be taken to that level immediately.

But that truly isn't how things work.  As Joe says here, the road to success that depends on someone else's effort really doesn't work.  We can't become successful--especially in our hearts and consciences--without putting forth some effort of our own and actually climbing the stairs.

Personally, I love climbing stairs, and I do so whenever I can.  People look at me like I'm weird when I need to go to the fourth or fifth floor and I ask where the stairs are.  Most people ignore the question and point out the elevator, so I have to ask again where the stairs are.  I like the exercise, I like the effort, I like contributing to my own well-being by exercising even a little bit.

I grow a bit concerned when I hear people who want to be successful without putting forth any effort--and who feel that they deserve to be successful simply because they're here on this planet.  All in all, it's a pretty ineffective strategy for pursuing success.  But think of all the get-rich-quick schemes that we see, all the people who fall for the emails that tell them they've been chosen to take care of two million dollars that someone in Zaire needs to get out of the country, all those who can't believe that they've been fired for not doing any work.  Success takes effort, and we grow as people not due to the success, but due to the effort that we've made to become successful.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

When was the last time that you climbed the stairs instead of taking the elevator?  How did it feel?

What have been your most fulfilling successes?  How have you arrived at them?

Why are so many people unwilling to climb the stairs if there's an elevator nearby?

* * * * *

For further thought:

The successful person is the individual who forms the habit

of doing what the failing person doesn't like to do.
Donald Riggs

More thoughts on success

June 16--Share Your Smile

June 16


What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity.  They
are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's
pathway, the good they do is inconceivable.

Joseph Addison

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:
People who share their smiles freely are such a blessing in life--I know that the effect of a smile on me is incredibly positive.  It makes me feel something inside that I can't explain, kind of like the feeling I get when I see a beautiful flower or watch a puppy or a kitten play.  It's just a good, good feeling.

Unfortunately, though, I'm a bit stingy with my smiles, especially with strangers.  I don't smile easily, except with people I know well, and I wish that I did smile more.  I know how nice other people's smiles make me feel, so it seems somewhat selfish of me to deprive others of my smile, and I shouldn't tell myself that it doesn't really matter, because it obviously does.  I don't beat myself up about not smiling more, but I do try to change the situation as much as I can.

Of course, smiles are much nicer when they're genuine.  Smiles can be abused, especially if someone's trying to manipulate you or make you feel at ease before they stick it to you (the insincere salesperson leaps to mind).  Sometimes it's in our best interests not to trust a particular smile.  This is an unfortunate reality of life, but one that we must pay attention to.  For my part, I try not to be too suspicious until something else tips me off that trust may not be in my best interest.

Smiles can accomplish so much, yet we tend to value them very little.  A person who shares a smile is always taking a risk, and I for one want to be a person who rewards the risk-taker by smiling back, or even saying something like, "Nice smile--thanks!"  Smiles can warm our hearts and put us at ease and let us know that someone else likes us and accepts us enough to share something so special, so let us please not undervalue these wonderful gifts to humanity.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Why do some people withhold their smiles from others?  What are some of the effects of not sharing smiles?

How are smiles like sunshine?  What good do they do?

What are some ways that we might practice sharing our smiles more often with more people?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Nobody needs a smile so much as the one who has none to give.
So get used to smiling heart-warming smiles, and you will
spread sunshine in a sometimes-dreary world.
Lawrence G. Lovasik




More thoughts and passages on smiles.

June 15--Let Go of Misfortunes

June 15

The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the
greater is their power to harm us.
-Voltaire

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:
This is true, in my experience, though I would change the wording slightly to "the greater is their power to continue to harm us."  After all, if we keep holding on to the negative and worry about our misfortunes and all the bumps in the roads that have hurt us, then that focus in itself will cause us to miss most of the beauty and wonder that is all around us, all the time.  It really is our choice as to what we focus on, so it's important that we realize that and do our best not to let misfortune continue to harm us.

Sometimes the misfortunes are drastic, such as the death of a loved one, and it will take longer for us to let such things go.  But "longer" doesn't mean "forever," and eventually we have to make a decision about just what we're going to focus on.

We're taught that if a situation is bad, we should get out of it; if a relationship is bad, we should end it; if a job is bad, we should quit it.  But we're not taught too much about our thoughts and their effects on us, so not too many people try to teach us to change our thoughts if we want to change our lives.  We may hear people say things like "you've got to move on," or "get over it," but until we're actually able to recognize and accept the harm that we're doing to ourselves, we won't be able to get over it.  The misfortune itself doesn't hurt us long, but our thoughts about it continue the pain until we change it.

We all face hardship and misfortune.  That's life.  But the most important thing we can do is accept them as part of our lives, accept that they've happened, and move on.  Spend the necessary time grieving or feeling anger or mourning, but then make the decision to take the power away from the misfortune and put your life back on track.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

How can you make sure that you don't hold on to misfortune longer than is necessary for you to get over it?

What would life be like if you were to dwell on the positive and the beautiful instead of the painful and the annoying?

How can misfortunes harm us if they've already passed?  Why do we so often give them the power to do so?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing
you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It is
not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing
which keeps you from hope and love?

Leo Buscaglia



more on letting go

June 14--Letting Others Help Us

June 14


Trouble is a part of life, and if you don't share it, you don't
give the people who love you enough chance to love you
enough.
-Dinah Shore

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:
Here's a question that I often ask my students:  How do you feel when someone trusts you enough that they come to you for advice or help when they need it?  They almost always answer that it's a very good feeling.  Then I ask them, Do you really want to deprive your friends of such a positive feeling by not asking them for advice or help when you need it?  After all, if they're our friends, they want to be there for us just as we want to be there for them when they need it.

Many of us have been taught to keep things to ourselves, not to bother other people with our problems.  When I was younger, I thought that this was a positive way to approach problems, for I kept them as my problems, and I didn't make them anyone else's.  Now, though, I see that attitude as a selfish one, one that keeps our friends from knowing us better and from helping us.  A huge part of true friendship lies in our abilities to help each other when we need it, but can that aspect be fulfilled if we selfishly refuse to ask for help?

"You don't give the people who love you enough chance to love you enough."  Wow--what a thought.  Relationships truly are a two-way street, and sometimes it's only through showing our own vulnerability that we allow others to shine, that we allow others to show just how much they truly care, just how great of friends they can be to us.  I knew a couple once in which the husband never, ever showed any vulnerability at all--he thought he had to be a steady, trustworthy rock.  The wife's frustration at never being able to contribute to his life was one of the things that almost led to the end of the marriage.

We all have troubles.  And the troubles that we're going through, someone else has gone through before.  If we share what we're experiencing, then we allow others to help us out, to give advice, to be the friends they want to be and know they can be--if we give them the opportunity.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

From where do we get the idea that it's somehow wrong to "burden" other people with our troubles?

How might you go about allowing your friends to help you to deal with your problems (not necessarily "solving" them)?

What kind of feeling do you get when you're able to help a friend?  Are you robbing your friends of that nice feeling when you don't allow them to help you?


* * * * *

For further thought:

I am treating you as my friend, asking you to share my present minuses in the hope
I can ask you to share my future pluses.
Katherine Mansfield



more on helpfulness

June 13--Being Optimistic

June 13


The hopeful person sees success where others see
failure, sunshine where others see shadows and storm.
Orison Swett Marden

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:
While I was growing up, I often heard people who saw things in this way referred to in negative ways, as if their positive view of the world was something wrong, as if they were so naive that they just didn't get how awful the world is and how difficult life can be.  As I've grown, though, I've learned that for these people, life isn't at all difficult--yes, it's full of challenges and pitfalls and obstacles, but those are simply things to be overcome, not things that should beat us down into submission or depression.  And I've also come to realize just how wrong the people were who criticized them, and just how miserable they were making their own lives by focusing on the failure and the shadows and storms.

I want to be a hopeful person.  At times, I start to feel that it's hopeless to want this, but I keep pushing it, and I find that it gets easier and easier with each year that goes by.  I'm able to see the world in positive ways even when things seem to be going "wrong," and I feel much happier and more fulfilled when I am able to see the world this way.

Orison isn't talking about the constantly-perky person who always wears a smile no matter what and who can really get on our nerves.  I've read books and articles by people who actually used to be like that, and while they were smiling and happy on the outside, they were simmering cauldrons of frustration and confusion on the inside.  Their "optimism" was a mask that they wore so that people couldn't see the anguish inside of them.

But I do want to see the sunshine and success in life.  When problems arise, I always ask myself as soon as I can, "just what's the silver lining here?"  And almost always, I can see some positive to the worst negative very soon, and as time goes on I can see much, much more positive.  And I've seen enough sunshine after storms to know that no storm lasts forever, and that optimism for better days ahead is always justified; in fact, feeling the optimism tends to bring the brighter days all that much more quickly.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Were you brought up to see the sunshine, or the shadows?  Who were your teachers?  Were they happy, fulfilled people?

How might we learn to look for the brightness when it seems that there is none to be seen?

Why do so many people make fun of optimists and speak negatively about them?

* * * * *

For further thought:

In this world, the optimists have it, not because they are always right,
but because they are positive.  Even when they are wrong they
are positive, and that is the way of achievement, correction,
improvement, and success.  Educated, eye-open optimism pays.
David Landes



more on optimism

June 12--Risks

June 12
 
 
Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
Frank Scully

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:
"Play it safe," they tell you.  And in many ways, I agree with them.  Yes, one of the major messages of people who tell us to live our lives fully is that we have to be willing to take risks and to say and do what we feel is right, but we also have to do so with discernment, and we need to choose our battles wisely if we're truly to make our lives exceptional and extraordinary.

Now, there are some limbs that are weak and flimsy, and even if there's tasty fruit out there, the risk of going simply isn't worth it.  Think of how many people have lost their entire lives' savings because they've been encouraged to take a risk and invest it because they might earn significant returns on their investments.  And on the other side of the coin, you may shimmy out to the end of a risky limb, pluck the fruit, taste it, and find that it tastes absolutely horrible.

When John F. Kennedy, Jr., tragically crashed his plane into the sea, killing himself, his wife, and his sister-in-law, we saw an example of taking a risk that simply wasn't worth it.  He was flying in weather that he wasn't qualified to fly in, and the three people paid the ultimate price for it.  Interestingly enough, I read an article a few weeks later from someone who praised him for being a risk-taker, for living life fully and not letting something like bad weather keep him from doing something that he wanted to do.  But he went out on a limb that wasn't just weak--it was already broken--and he did not succeed.

"Why not go out on a limb?"  There are many reasons not to do so.  There are times when I recognize that "taking this risk will provide no positive results at all," so I keep on keeping on and let the opportunity slide by.  And that's okay.  Other times, I've known that a risk is necessary, and when I've taken it, things have turned out fine; when I haven't, I've regretted my lack of action.  Yes, there may be fruit at the end of the branch, but make sure that the risk--and the fruit itself--are worth it.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

What kinds of risks are worth us taking?  What kinds simply aren't worth it?  Why?

How might we distinguish between risks that are worth falling when the branch breaks and risks that aren't?

Why is the "safe" response so easy?  How might we recognize when we're making decisions based on fear rather than on possible outcomes?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Any life truly lived is a risky business, and if one
puts up too many fences against the risks one ends
by shutting out life itself.
Kenneth S. Davis



more on risk