September 30--Home Can Have a Purpose

My home is my retreat and resting-place from the wars.
I try to keep this corner as a haven against the tempest outside, as I
do another corner of my soul.

Michel de Montaigne

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

I'm not sure that I would refer to our day-to-day lives as "the wars," but Montaigne's words are very profound here.  So many of us tend to see our homes as functional places--places to eat, to sleep, to store our furniture and our cars, to shower, and on and on.  When we see it as a functional place, then it can't serve as a retreat, a place where we can find a way to rejuvenate ourselves and gather our strength for continuing on in our lives.

If we do treat our homes as retreats, if we do turn them into comfortable places where we can renew ourselves and our spirits, then we can give ourselves an important edge when things do get difficult and the stress levels rise.  Wars or not, we all face stress and challenges, and if we're well prepared spiritually to deal with those things, then they won't debilitate us when they rear their heads in our lives.

If we do want our homes to be resting-places, then we need to take the time to make them places that we love to come to, places where we love to spend time.  That doesn't mean spending tons of money on decorations, but it does mean trying to eliminate clutter and finding things that are aesthetically pleasing with which to fill our living space.  It means minimizing television and noise, and keeping the home as a peaceful place where we can find pleasant shelter from the storms of life.

Our homes should be our allies in our journeys through life.  If we make them into pleasant places where we love to be, they can serve us very well as we face the normal stresses and strains of the lives that we're living.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

How can we make our homes into pleasant retreats without doing tons of spending on redecorating?

Why do so few people pay attention to the comfort levels of their homes?

How have our homes become much more functional than rejuvenating?

* * * * *

For further thought:

They are the happiest, be they king or peasant,
who find peace in their homes.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe




More on home.

September 29--Some Truth about Truth

Truth is within ourselves; it takes no rise

From outward things, whate'er you may believe.

There is an inmost center in us all,

Where truth abides in fullness.

Robert Browning

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

And what is truth?  For most of us, it's what we've learned from others that it is--from parents, religious leaders, teachers, professors, mentors, friends, older relatives.  Most of us really haven't ever slowed down and looked inside long enough to actually look for our own truths, much less discover them and live by them.  If we were to do so, the truth may frighten us, for there's a very good chance that the truths that we've adopted from our exposure to outward things--the truths that we've come to depend on for much of our security--really aren't valid at all, and the ones deep inside ourselves are more compassionate and loving and caring.

There is an "inmost center in us all," but unfortunately for most of us it's unexplored territory, a place that we just don't choose to visit.  And it's not just that we don't go there often enough--it's that we don't go there at all.  And that truly is a shame, because that's where love abides, and in love we find more authentic truth than we find in any other aspects of our lives.  Because in unconditional love we find what truth really is, and that unconditional love is not concerned at all with outward things.

I love how Robert also points out that there isn't necessarily a connection between what we believe and what it true.  For example, for years I bought into our cultural norms and believed that life is a competition; since I've grown a bit and learned a bit, though, I've come to know that life is about cooperation, not competition.  Cooperation allows me to practice love and spread it to others; competition does not--or it can, but only to those on "my side."

What are your truths?  Unfortunately, until you take the time to be alone with yourself and ask yourself some very important questions, you may never find out.  And wouldn't it be a tragedy to leave this planet on the day we die never having discovered our own truths?  They're a wonderful gift that's been given to us, but for most of us they still lie uncovered.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Why do most of us consider our truths to be the ideas and ideals that lie in the outward things of our lives?

What would be the benefit of uncovering our truths rather than continuing to depend on our beliefs?

Why do most of us not take the time to go inside and actually try to uncover the truths that lie there, waiting for us to find them?

* * * * *

For further thought:

There is no path to truth.  Truth must be discovered, but there is no
formula for its discovery.  What is formulated is not true.  You must
set out on the uncharted sea, and the uncharted sea is yourself.

J. Krishnamurti




More on truth.

September 28--Our Purpose Is to Help Others

The purpose of life is to matter--to count, to stand for something,
to have made some difference that we lived at all.

Leo Rosten

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

Making a difference seems to be one of our core desires, one of the deepest yearnings of our hearts and spirits.  It's also something that's relatively simple--at least, it's simple until our rational mind and ego start telling us that what we're doing really isn't making a difference and that we're wasting our time being useless.  Both the rational mind and the ego seem to need constant reinforcement if they're to allow us to believe that our efforts are worth something.  They need to hear "thank you for making a difference" over and over again until they leave us in peace.

But it is always possible to stand for something, whether we actually choose to do so or not.  And it's more than possible to stand for something wonderful and positive, and not just something pedestrian and safe.  When we do this, we are making a difference even if we can't actually quantify the difference that we are making.  We cannot know the difference that we're making all the time, nor should we try (unless we love to be frustrated).  The difference that we make is often one piece in a puzzle for others, who may not even recognize the positive influence you've had in their lives.

I've had crummy days made brighter by cashiers and waiters or waitresses, and have then gone on to make the day even better, enabled to do so by the slight change in perspective that those people gave me.  I've heard a kind word from a student and have felt empowered enough to do something different that day, or to be kinder to other students, and I haven't made the connection between my kindness and the kindness of the student.  I know that my life has been made better by many, many people whom I've never acknowledged--and thus I know that I've contributed in a positive way to many other lives, even if I don't regularly receive positive responses.

You do make a difference, so be kind to yourself and leave behind the need to hear that truth from others.  Keep on keeping on, and keep on being kind, and you'll find that your life will brighten in many ways as you make the lives of others brighter--even if your contribution is just one small candle of many hundreds or thousands.  That light relies on the contribution of every single candle, and no candle is worth less than any other.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Why is it hard sometimes to think that we're making positive contributions in the lives of others?

Why do we sometimes think that our contributions have to be major and quantifiable in order for them to be "significant"?

How might you find new ways to make a difference in the world?

* * * * *

For further thought:

The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful,
to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make
some difference that you have lived and lived well.

Ralph Waldo Emerson
(the quotation by Rosten is a paraphrase of Emerson)




More on purpose.

September 27--The Wisdom That Cries

Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the
philosophy which does not laugh, and the greatness

which does not bow down before children.

Khalil Gibran

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

Wisdom and philosophy can be wonderful things, yet once you divorce them from emotions and compassion, they lose all of their value.  Wisdom can be very helpful in life, but it must be practical and it must take into account the humanity and the needs of all people if it's to be useful.  Wisdom that doesn't cry comes in the form of the person who hears that a friend has suffered a great loss, only to say something like, "Well, you didn't really need that person or thing, anyway."  It takes no account of the emotional needs of the moment, and seeks only to assert itself whether the situation calls for its assertion or not.

As we learn, it's easy to take on information and concepts and keep them separate from our humanity.  But what good is wisdom or philosophy if they help no one else at all?  What good are they if they're dry and sterile, and if they show no compassion at all?  The best doctors are those who understand what their patients are going through; the best teachers are those who see and feel the needs of their students; the best counselors are those who know the struggles of their clients.

Khalil Gibran knows that wisdom and greatness and philosophy are traits and pursuits that need to serve our fellow humans, but that can easily be warped to become ends unto themselves.  I've known many people who have studied philosophy only to be able to say that they know what certain philosophers thought, without ever trying to consider how to apply those thoughts to serve people who need them in their lives. 

I also prefer wisdom that cries and philosophy that laughs.  I prefer to call "great" the people who have the humility to realize that there are more important things in the world than their own actions and achievements, and who recognize that all that we do, we do to improve the world for our children.  Dry and sterile?  You can have it.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

How do pursuits such as philosophy lose their usefulness in our lives?

Why do so many people feel that knowing something is enough, without ever trying to find applications of their knowledge in their own lives and in the lives of others?

How might we find ways to apply the wisdom that we've attained in our own lives?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Those who have the largest hearts have the
soundest understandings; and they are the truest
philosophers who can forget themselves.

William Hazlitt




More on wisdom.

September 26--What, Me Worry?

When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man
who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble, most of
which never happened.

Winston Churchill

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

Winston may be quoting Mark Twain, who is attributed with a quotation on this topic, or he may be quoting someone else--and Twain said the same thing and had his name stuck to the idea.  Either way, it doesn't matter, for the thought here is one that's valuable to us as a life lesson from those who have lived before us and who are trying to pass on their wisdom to us in the hopes that we don't make the same mistakes they do.

We cause so much of our own stress that's it's almost comical, and if this tendency didn't cause so much pain and heartache, then we could call it laughable.  How many relationships wouldn't have broken up, how many kids would have been treated better, how many nights would we have slept more soundly if only we had been able to remember that those things that we're worrying about more than likely won't turn out in the worst possible way?

We do tend to think the worst.  If we're in financial trouble, we worry about what will happen when we have no money at all.  To think about that possibility is definitely natural, but to worry about it is something else altogether.  Worry won't change our finances--only action and planning and watching our spending will do so.  And I've known quite a few people who have lost their jobs and worried about the future only to have things turn out better than they were before.  The worrying that they did was useless, and it only caused them and their loved ones a significant amount of stress in their lives.

Think about things that are going wrong.  Think about possible problems in the future--but avoid worrying about them.  Plan for them and do your best to avoid them, but don't worry about them unless you truly enjoy stressing yourself out and making yourself miserable.  I know that it's easier said than done, but with practice it is possible to catch worry as soon as it rears its head and banish it, telling ourselves, "Things will turn out fine, even if I have to pass through a bad stretch, and worrying doesn't do a bit of good."  Then we can get back to focusing on our families, our jobs, and our enjoyments, and doing our best to ensure that the worst-case scenario about which we're worrying doesn't come to pass.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Why is it so easy to worry that the worst will happen in so many situations in our lives?

How many of the things about which you've worried never have come to pass?  Did your worrying do any good?

Why do so many older people tell us that the time they've spent worrying in their lives has been time wasted?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Worry not about the possible troubles of the future; for if
they come, you are but anticipating and adding to their weight;
and if they do not come, your worry is useless; and in either
case it is weak and in vain, and a distrust of God's providence.

Hugh Blair




More on worry.

September 25--Change Is (Always) in the Air

The old woman I shall become will be quite different from the
woman I am now.  Another I is beginning.

George Sand

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

I believe, from having observed many people and their actions, that this is an idea that frightens most people.  After all, we're quite comfortable being who we are.  We know what we believe, what we like, what we don't like, how we react.  And knowing those things is somewhat comfortable, even when those things may be negative and self-destructive.  I have met many self-destructive people who refuse to change anything about themselves because they're so afraid of becoming someone else and losing the comfort of the status quo.

But another "I" can always be beginning, no matter who we are and no matter what we do.  If we're open to learning and to change, then we can constantly be reinventing ourselves in ways that are positive and uplifting and that can make a major difference in our lives and in the lives of our loved ones.  George says that "the old woman" she becomes will be different, but for me, I fully expect the me of one year from now to be significantly different from the me of today.  Because today I learned a lot and tomorrow I'll learn even more, and I truly hope to learn from those lessons and allow them to have a strong effect on me.

This is one of the reasons for which I have a hard time understanding when people hold grudges--the someone who did something bad to me ten years ago is now a different person, or should be.  So why be angry at that person, when it was a younger version of him or her who actually did what they did?

For me personally, I find it a challenge to adopt new thoughts and ideas and ways of being.  It doesn't always work, of course.  I still have a hard time not creating a messy work area once I start working, which is something that I have been trying to change.  On the other hand, I'm more accepting of my messiness, so in a way I am a different person after all, no?  And if I want to die a wiser and more balanced and compassionate and kinder person, then I really do need to start today and allow myself to look for, find, and accept positive changes in my life.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

What's so frightening about changing who we are and what we think?

In what ways might we go about looking for and finding areas in our lives that are ripe for change?

Do you want to be exactly the way you are now when you're older?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Development can indeed continue beyond childhood
and youth, beyond the seventies.  It can continue
until the very end of life, given purposes that
challenge and use our human abilities. . . . In sum, our
development does not necessarily end at any age.  We can
continue to develop into our eighties, even to our nineties.

Betty Friedan



more on change

September 24--Letting Our Roots Nourish Us

Real development is not leaving things behind, as on a road, but
drawing life from them, as from a root.

Gilbert Keith Chesterton

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

Roots provide a solid base upon which a tree can grow to its full capacity.  If we completely reject the things of our past--our experiences, our education, our friendships and other relationships, even many of our possessions--then we're casting them off, leaving ourselves without that base that can give us stability and balance in our lives.

I bought a bike once, over three decades ago.  That bike still is with me in the form of an important lesson that I learned--I bought it because it was the cheapest I could find, and I was short on money.  Unfortunately, it was a horrible buy, and within two weeks I had to buy another, new bike.  Instead of getting a great deal on a used bike, I ended up paying for a new bike AND a used bike that I wasn't able to sell myself.  And I learned the importance of the adage, "You get what you pay for."

I've learned in relationships, and if I choose to completely forget those relationships, then I also choose to forget what I got out of them in the form of learning and development of myself as a person.  I also choose to forget what I gave to them, and the kinds of good, positive things that I put into them.  If I want to develop as a person, it does me good to have strong roots that will keep me steady and balanced and that will allow me to bend in the wind of the life storms that sometimes turn the life I have into a difficult trial that I need to get through.

So I may not be comfortable with my religion as I know it or my relationships or my education or the ways that I treat others, but that doesn't mean that I have to reject them out of hand and cast them away.  Sometimes that may actually be the best strategy, but usually we need just to adjust, using the things that we wish to change as the base for a new direction, as new roots from which we will draw life as we grow taller and stronger.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Why do we so often feel that our best strategy is to reject those things that we're not comfortable with? 

How should we distinguish between the things that we should cast away and the things that we should use to draw life from?

What kinds of experiences and possessions in your life make up the roots that hold you steady and give you life?

* * * * *

For further thought:

What we call wisdom is the result of all the wisdom of past
ages.  Our best institutions are like young trees growing upon
the roots of the old trunks that have crumbled away.

Henry Ward Beecher

more on learning

September 23--All She Wants from Life

To learn, to desire, to know, to feel, to think, to act.  This
is what I want.  And nothing else.  That is what I must try for.

Katherine Mansfield

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

It's important that Katherine knows what she wants--how many of us have actually sat down, thought this concept through, and come up with a list that says "This is what I want. . . and nothing more"?  How simple would life become with such a list in hand?  How easy would it be to make decisions once we've considered what we really want out of our experiences here during our lifetimes?

Of course, we could quibble all day long about the contents of such a list.  Looking at Katherine's list, I would immediately say that I'd have to have the words "to love" in there somewhere.  But this is her list, not mine, and she may see the love there in another one of her words, like "to act" or "to feel."  The words themselves aren't so important, and it's not necessary for us to share our lists with others--the most important thing we can do is simply to come up with such a list and to start to live according to that list.

I imagine that such a list would be under constant revision.  If you made such a list and included something like "to become debt-free," then you'd have to change that item once it comes to pass, perhaps to "live debt-free."  And right now I may find it very important to focus on my job, whereas five years from now there may be other elements of my life, such as new relationships or new children, that become more pressing than the work that I do.

Katherine says "that is what I must try for," which is also important.  She doesn't say these things are what she must accomplish, just that she must try.  And after all, isn't that what life is about:  deciding what is best for us and then doing our best at it, succeed or fail?  It's the trying that develops us and helps us to become the people we are, and it's important that we never lose the chance to continue trying.  And it would be great to have a list to guide us as we do so.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

What are the things that you most want?  Have you ever written them down?

What would such a list look like for you?

Why do we not tend to look at life from the bigger picture perspective, instead focusing on the minute details of our day-to-day goals?

* * * * *

For further thought:

The reason most people never reach their goals

is that they don't define them, or ever seriously
consider them as believable or achievable.

Denis Waitley

more on goals

September 22--The Positive Side of Desire

The best antidote I have found is to yearn for something.  As long as
you yearn, you can't congeal; there is a forward motion about yearning.

Gail Goodwin

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

We are often told that to get along in life, we need to give up our wants and simply accept life as it is.  Desire, after all, is often a negative thing, something that keeps us feeling discontent with our lives and our situations in life.  But that doesn't take into account human nature, and who we are as human beings.  We are creatures who do desire, and when we can use that desire as a catalyst for changing our lives for the better, then what can be wrong with yearning for something realistic and positive?

And of course, there's the rub.  Many of us spend so much time yearning for things that are simply materialistic and not positive or helpful.  We can also spend time yearning for things that are simply unrealistic and that could even be harmful--yearning for some time with that married person we know, or for that diamond ring we saw that would put us seriously in debt.  These kinds of desire are negative, and they can harm very deeply both us and the people we love.

But healthy yearning can be a catalyst, a feeling that can propel us into new situations and new states.  A great desire to walk the Great Wall or spend time in the Grand Canyon can cause us to economize and simplify our lives in order to be able to afford to go there.  Wanting to get a college degree can help us to find the motivation to figure out ways to make it happen--as Gail says, yearning can propel us into a "forward motion," as opposed to staying where we are, stagnant in the status quo.

If you feel stagnant, then there really is nothing like finding something positive and healthy to yearn for.  A good home for your family, an education for your children or yourself, a vehicle that's safe and practical and reliable, a relationship with a person who can be very good for you, good grades in classes that are difficult.  There are many things that we can desire that can be very, very good for us and that can cause extremely positive changes in our approaches to life.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

What kinds of things do you tend to yearn for?  Do these things tend to be positive for you, or do they add to stress and tension in your life?

What kinds of things might you change in your life to make the things that you yearn for actually become reality?

Why do so many people yearn after things that are ultimately bad for them?

* * * * *

For further thought:

And yes, there definitely are many good desires.  For example, without the desire for food we would not stay alive.  It is when our desire becomes an unquenchable craving or obsession, or causes us to do harm to ourselves or others, that it creates suffering and unhappiness.  If you have ever been hurt because you tied your happiness or well-being to a person, place, opinion, self-identity, behavior, or goal, then you have firsthand experience of desire.

Donald Altman




More on desire.

September 21--Keeping Our Eyes and Hearts Open

I would like to thank. . . the birds outside my window who constantly
reassured me that nothing is desperately important and the
joy of life is just looking at it.

Alec Guinness

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

Birds do what they do in life, and they keep on keeping on, no matter what.  We tend to think a lot, and sometimes we forget to remind ourselves that on a level that's bigger than we are, not much in our lives is really as important as we tend to think it is.  How many times have we felt that what was going on in our lives right now has been "desperately important," only to find out six months later that we look back on it as something that wasn't really that bad at all?

It's very easy to get stressed about how our lives are going, to feel that what's happening to us is the most important thing in the world.  Sometimes we need to find ways to remind ourselves that everything is relative and that even if something seems to be terrible or awful, life still goes on and it's there for us to love and appreciate--if we're able to get our minds focused enough on it and off what we think is so terrible.

There are plenty of things that we can focus on if we want to keep our minds on the joy of life.  Birds are a great start, but there's also sunshine and rain, cool breezes, children's smiles, puppies and kittens playing, kind acts, sunsets and sunrises, trees and flowers--there are many, many things that can remind us that looking at the life that surrounds us constantly can be one of the greatest joys of all, and that we don't have to do anything or accomplish anything to get this kind of joy.

So look around.  See.  Feel.  Appreciate.  Love.  Laugh.  Cry.  Sigh.  Say "thank you."  React in honest awareness to the things that this wonderful world of ours has to offer us, but that we so very often don't see at all when we're so focused on the things that we deem to be very, very important.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Why do we tend to think that so many things are desperately important?

How can we teach ourselves to be more aware of the many things that are around us all the time that we could and should appreciate?

When was the last time that you noticed and appreciated the birds who have songs for us all the time?

* * * * *

For further thought:

A heightened state of awareness comes when we look,
and then look again, and then relax into whatever situation
we are in.  When we have a capacity for fascination with
simple things, we are able to sit peacefully for hours on a
park bench, or in an airport, engrossed by the different gaits
and gestures of people as they walk, talk, and stand.  We develop
the ability to be patient as we stand in line at the grocery
store because we have the ability to look with fascination
and wonder at all that surrounds us.

Charlotte Davis Kasl




More on awareness.

September 20--Time for a Rest

The most valuable thing we can do for the psyche, occasionally, is to let
it rest, wander, live in the changing light of a room, not try to be
or do anything whatever.

May Sarton

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

I love giving my mind a rest, whether it be by taking a long walk, going for a long run or bike ride, or even turning on something silly and fun on TV.  Sometimes the most valuable things that I do for myself aren't what most people would consider doing anything at all, from sitting in a room watching and listening to whatever I notice, to sitting on a lawn and watching the bugs in the grass and the birds in the sky and listening to the wind in my ears and in my trees.

These aren't just moments of true rest--these are moments also of unity and awareness.  These are moments when we can get in touch with being instead of doing; times when we can get in touch with who we are in our depths rather than who we are on the surface.  These are moments when we can get a glimpse of eternity and recognizing our place in it.

We spend most of our time wearing our psyches--our logical and emotional minds--down close to their breaking points.  We don't tend to consider the need for rest of our minds and spirits.  And when we do this, we find that we're wearing down and not working up to our true potential.  Then it's time for rest and rejuvenation.

Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is nothing.  Searching out nothing, doing nothing, wanting nothing, producing nothing.  Sometimes nothing is a wonderfully fulfilling something that can help to keep us going.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Why are so many people so reticent even to consider doing nothing in a quiet and solitary place?

What are some of the possible benefits of allowing our psyches to rest?

How can nothing be a positive something?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Sometimes the most urgent and vital thing you
can possibly do is take a complete rest.

Ashleigh Brilliant




More on rest.

September 19--The Production of Happiness

The happiest people seem to be those who are producing something; the bored
people are those who are consuming much and producing nothing.

William Inge

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

When all is said and done, it really doesn't matter what we're producing (unless it's illegal and/or harmful), but that we are producing.  We don't have to be running the most popular restaurant in the city, but if we love cooking and we're good at it, then we need to be cooking instead of microwaving.  We don't have to sell millions of units of our crafts, but if we love doing crafts, then we need to be making them and giving them away or selling them.  Being productive is a way to keep our minds working and our spirits fulfilled.

Too many people allow boredom to be a dominant element of their lives because it's easier to turn on the TV than it is to undertake a new project.  It's easier to just sit there than it is to be active and work at something.  For many people it's a question of fear--they don't want to take on new projects because they're afraid that they may not finish them, or that others will criticize the results of their work.

If that's the case, then we're letting the fear of what others might say rule our lives and our actions.  If we refuse to start producing something real and tangible that we may take pride in in the future because of what may or may not happen, then we're sabotaging our own lives and putting ourselves in a position in which it's very difficult to find happiness or even peace of mind.

We all can produce something, and doing so leads to feelings of accomplishment and satisfaction, and the successful production of one thing usually leads to the hope of the successful production of something else, giving us something to aspire to and to hope for and to look forward to.  Boredom is usually the result of a passive approach to our life situations; happiness is usually a result of being active in carving our own lives out of the stuff of everyday existence.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

What do you think William means when he says, "those who are producing something"?

What kinds of things are you good at?  How often do you actively pursue your chances to produce things?

Why do so  many people get caught up in merely consuming without producing?

* * * * *

For further thought:

If you observe really happy people you will find them
building a boat, writing a symphony, educating their children,
growing double dahlias in their gardens, or looking for
dinosaur eggs in the Gobi desert. They will not be searching
for happiness as if it were a collar button that has rolled
under the radiator. They will not be striving for it as a goal
in itself. They will have become aware that they are happy
in the course of living life twenty-four crowded hours of the day.

W. Beran Wolfe




More on happiness.

September 18--Being Careful with Time

Time is the coin of your life.  It is the
only coin you have, and only you can
determine how it will be spent.  Be careful
lest you let other people spend it for you.

Carl Sandberg

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

Sometimes we get careless about our time.  Sometimes we allow it to be lost, to be wasted, to be squandered like the quarter that we drop and that rolls into the gutter.  How we spend our time is, after all, a great indication of what we're becoming as human beings.  So much of our time is spent on stuff that simply doesn't matter, just because someone asked us to do something that we might not have wanted to do in the first place.

When I was in the Army, one of the biggest frustrations that all of us had was that we were not in charge of our own time.  We had literally no control over how we spent our time--it was decided for us by the drill sergeants and the commanders and the first sergeants and anyone else who had any sort of authority.  I can't even begin to consider just how many hours I spent doing absolutely nothing, standing around waiting, just because I was told that I had to do so.

Most of us, though, aren't in the military.  Most of us seem to have control over our own time--but few of us actually use that time wisely, instead allowing others to dominate it because we're afraid of hurting someone's feelings, afraid of losing our jobs, or afraid of getting someone angry at us.  But so many of the ways that we spend our time do so few things to help our fellow people or ourselves that sometimes it's a shame the ways we waste time.  Why do we spend hours and hours watching TV shows that we've already seen when we could be doing something for ourselves or someone else?

We have entire industries whose survival depends on us being convinced that we should spend our time using their products, watching their shows, attending their games.  But we have families who would like for us to spend time with them, friends who could use someone to talk to, selves that are just dying for some quiet time.

Carl makes an important point.  Your time is yours.  Just as you're careful about how you spend money, you should be careful about how you spend time.  Money?  You can earn more of that.  But time?

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Why do we tend not to consider carefully how we spend our time?  Why do we just "let" things happen?

In which ways could you make sure that you're spending most of your time wisely, in ways that are helpful to yourself and others?

How many people try to convince us that our time is best spent serving them and their purposes?  Why do they do this?

* * * * *

For further thought:

How you spend your time is more important
than how you spend your money.
Money mistakes can be corrected,
but time is gone forever.

David Norris




More on time.

September 17--Caring for the Spirit

If I had two loaves of bread,
I would sell one and buy hyacinths.
For they would feed my soul.

the Qur'an

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

There is a huge difference between feeding our bodies and feeding our spirits.  It's very easy to buy food to feed our bodies, and we do so regularly, sometimes without even giving it much thought.  When we need to eat, when we feel hunger, we eat if we're fortunate enough to be able to access food.  But what about our spirits?  What about our souls?  They grow hungry, too, but they're usually neglected.  We may hunger for beauty, for kindness, for positive input into our lives, yet never take the time or make the effort to feed our souls.

I know people who never really do anything for themselves on a spiritual level.  They would never buy flowers just to add beauty to their lives.  They would never make the time to take a hot bubble bath in order to calm themselves and allow themselves to relax.  They would never give themselves an hour of complete silence to try to still the voices and thoughts in their heads that keep them tense and wired.

When we're thirsty, we drink; when hungry, we eat.  But when our spirits hunger for something, we neglect it--thus neglecting ourselves.  And can that be good for us?  What kind of long-term effect does such neglect have on us?  We may never know, for no one is doing research on the topic.  We take our spirits for granted and we don't feed them, and our lives do suffer for that.

What does you soul crave?  Even if you don't know specifically, beautiful flowers really couldn't hurt, could they?  Some time to yourself in a peaceful, silent spot definitely can't be bad for you, and the nourishment that you would give to your soul just may be fulfilling a longstanding need that has yet to be met.  When you feed your body, feed you spirit also, and you'll find that the attention you give to your spirit will be attention well placed.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

What is the cost to us if we neglect our spirits?

In what ways might you feed your spirit in positive, fulfilling ways?

Why do we tend to take our spiritual side for granted?

* * * * *

For further thought:

You can open yourself to the possibility of nourishing your soul, and you can make it a priority.  Take careful stock of the way you spend your life energies doing things that are not so nourishing.  Often, in the middle adult years especially, people find that they have been busy being productive in some task-oriented way, some way in which their souls were excluded.  The responsibilities of everyday life--taking the kids to school, paying the bills, doing the grocery shopping, all the stuff that life requires of mature adults--expand to fill the entire life.

Jean Shinoda Bolen




More on spirit.

September 16--The World Is Our Mirror, Mostly

A loving person lives in a loving world.  A hostile person lives
in a hostile world.  Everyone you meet is your mirror.

Ken Keyes, Jr.

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

This is one of the most common concepts that you'll find in self-help literature, and I think that it's a very important one.  But I also think that often it's taken too far, as will most concepts when you add words like "always" or "everyone."  We all meet so many people in our lives that it just makes no sense to say that "everyone you meet is your mirror."  We will meet people who are racists, who are angry at the world, who are angry at themselves, who are socially inept, who are rude and obnoxious, whether we are all those things or not.

I'm sure that there were loving people in the theater in Colorado when the gunman opened fire, just as there have been loving people in the wars of the world and in places where disease has spread.  There were loving people in the middle of the Holocaust.  And we do read literature from people like Viktor Frankl who did not lose his ability to love and see hope even in the concentration camps, but for that period of time, he certainly did not live in a "loving world."

It's important that we view life pragmatically--though we strive to build a loving world around us, the rest of the world does intrude on what we try to build.  Though we strive to choose our friends carefully, we still must get jobs and work with people whom we may not wish to have as friends.  And yes, our attitude does go a long way towards making any situation much more bearable, or even pleasant, but there are times when our attitude simply doesn't change anything around us.

Be loving, and create a loving world, but remember that a non-loving world may intrude upon your love.  Be caring, and build a caring world; be compassionate and be encouraging.  We do have the ability to create our own worlds in the best ways we know how--but everyone else is creating their worlds, and we need to know how to deal with it when their worlds--which may or may not be similar to ours--intrude on ours.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Is it really possible for "everyone" in the world to be a mirror of who we are and how we approach the world?

What are some of the problems that could arise if we do believe that everyone is a mirror of ourselves?

How might you go about preparing for the intrusion of someone else's world on your own?  Should such a thing make you change the ways that you do things or see the world now?

* * * * *

For further thought:

The world is a looking-glass, and gives back
to everyone the reflection of our own faces.
Frown at it, and it in turn will look sourly
on you; laugh at it and with it, and it is
a jolly, kind companion.

William Makepeace Thackeray




More on the Law of Attraction.

September 15--The Beauty of Problems

I could do nothing without my problems; they toughen my mind.  In fact, I tell my assistants not to bring me their successes for they weaken me, but rather to bring me their problems, for they strengthen me.

Charles Franklin Kettering

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

We tend to like to avoid problems, don't we?  We like to have things easier than problems allow us to have them, but we don't always keep in mind that it's the problems that keep us thinking and learning, the problems that keep our minds and wits sharp and functioning well.  In fact, without problems, how many of us would have jobs that keep us gainfully employed if it weren't for problems and issues that must be solved?

There have been times in my life when I've wished that problems  would just go away, and that my life would get easier.  But what I haven't known is that my life wouldn't necessarily have gotten easier if the problems had gone away; rather, I might have just had some momentary relief from problems.  And I would have lost the opportunity to do much of the learning that has been most valuable to me in the long run.

Charles recognizes the importance of dealing with problems in the long run.  He recognizes that our brains and our psyches need challenges to deal with if they're to be kept sharp and if they're to continue to grow and develop.  It's hard sometimes to understand his position when we start to focus on the negative side of problems, but when we see them as something that must be overcome in some way, then we start on the search for a solution to them, and in that search lie growth and expansion.  In the avoidance of problems lie stagnation and boredom.

While most people in the world try to avoid problems, we can welcome them--within reason as to the type of problems, of course.  And in welcoming them we can know that we're pushing our own limits and improving our selves and our minds in one of the most important ways possible.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

How do we come to regard problems in negative ways?

Think of some "problems" in your life that have turned out to be blessings.  How did they seem originally?  What would have happened if you had been able to avoid the problem?

How do problems strengthen us?

* * * * *

For further thought:

The problem is not that there are problems.  The problem is expecting
otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.

Theodore Rubin




More on problems.

September 14--The Comfort of Friends

One's friends are that part of the human race with
which one can be human.

George Santayana

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

I like reading quotations like this about friendship because they give me an idea of how I should be acting as a friend.  We don't have nearly as many role models of being true friends these days, as most of the people we know get wrapped up in their own lives, in being busy and not being able to be there for the people they care for and who care for them.  The years of focus on self and self-indulgence have created a generation that's marked more for its ability to overwork and overeat (and look at screens) than for its ability to make and keep friends.

We're in a culture of "independent" people who sometimes seem to be just looking for some reason to cut you out of their lives, for that would simplify life for them, especially if you're going through problems that you need to talk over with others.  And if that's so, I have to ask myself if I do the same things, or if I provide friendship that other people are able to depend on when they need me to be a friend.  Am I the type of person with whom other people feel comfortable being themselves, mistakes and problems and all, or am I the type of "friend" whose judgment other people fear, so they tend not to share openly their thoughts and fears and hopes and desires?

I think that many of us see people not being themselves around us and wish that they would be themselves, and just themselves.  We don't realize, though, that we're the part of that equation that is keeping them from being completely open and honest with us.  Perhaps it's because we don't listen closely, or because we tend to judge others' statements, or because we don't take them seriously enough.

Our goal in being a friend should be just to be a friend, not to change our friends or "fix" them in any way.  Once we start trying to do that, then the true friendship is over and we're in an acquaintanceship.  I want to let others be just what they are, and I want them to be comfortable enough with me to be just that.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Why do we so often get so tempted to "fix" our friends--their problems, their personalities, their quirks and habits?

With what kind of person do you feel the most welcome and comfortable?  Are you that type of person for your friends?

What specific things might we do to make sure that we allow our friends to be completely human, completely themselves, when they're with us?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe
with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure
words, but to pour them all out, chaff and grain together,
knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep
what is worth keeping, and then, with the breath of
kindness, blow the rest away.

George Eliot




More on friendship.

September 13--Tiny Successes

Life is made up of small pleasures.  Happiness is made up of those tiny
successes.  The big ones come too infrequently.  And if you don't collect
all these tiny successes, the big ones don't really mean anything.

Norman Lear

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

I've known too many people who have made themselves miserable because they've believed that they should be accomplishing the big things in life that are recognized by many, many people if their lives are to mean anything.  They berate themselves for not measuring up, for not "succeeding," even when they've accomplished many things that other people would be proud of.

"Tiny successes" mean much more to me.  These are the kinds of successes that build on themselves and each other, the kind that add up in the end to a successful life.  Putting in a new faucet in the kitchen, helping a friend to do something important, getting a plant to grow, making a loved one feel good about him or herself, getting that promotion at work, setting goals and reaching them, losing those ten pounds--and setting a goal for ten more instead of starting with a goal for twenty--all of these things are small successes with which we can decorate each day of our lives.

I do like to see Olympic athletes win gold medals, and I do like to see authors sell millions of copies, and I do like to see what we call the "bigger" successes.  But think about it for a moment:  Most of what we consider to be huge successes in our society have to do with entertainment (singers, writers, actors) or sports than anything else.  And given the nature of those fields, there are relatively few people who can be great successes in them--and most of us aren't even in those fields to begin with.

In our own fields, in our own lives, we have plenty of opportunities for success.  We must acknowledge and appreciate the smaller successes so that we can build on them and grow as people and allow ourselves to reach new levels of success.  Otherwise, we're kind of squandering our opportunities to see ourselves as successful people, and our chances to be happy with what we do and how we do it.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Why do so many in our society see success as being strictly financial, or based on fame?  Is that really what success is limited to?

What kinds of small successes have you achieved in the last six months?  In the last year? 

What are some of the small pleasures that are most dear to you?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Most people see success as being rich and famous or powerful and influential.  Others see it as being at the top of their profession and standing out from the rest.
   The wise see success in a more personal way; they see it as achieving the goals they have set for themselves, and then feeling pride and satisfaction in their accomplishments.  True success is felt in the heart, not measured by money and power.
   So be true to yourself and achieve those goals you set.  For success is reaching those goals and feeling proud of what you have accomplished.

Tim Tweedie

More on success.