When we can honestly ask
ourselves which persons in our lives
mean most to us, we often find that they are those who, instead
mean most to us, we often find that they are those who, instead
of giving advice, solutions, or
cures, have chosen rather to share
our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender
hand.
Henri Nouwen
* * * * *
Pain is difficult to go through, we all know. But sometimes our friends and loved ones can inadvertently make things worse by trying to give us advice, trying to "fix" things when what we really need is a sympathetic ear, someone to just be there. Someone who, when we tell them how we're feeling, doesn't say, "Well, you should. . ." When we're hurt, the best thing we can do is allow our feelings to be, and to try to deal with them and let them pass. You may feel that your advice is valid, but we must keep in mind that what works for us more than likely won't work for others.
* * * * *
Pain is difficult to go through, we all know. But sometimes our friends and loved ones can inadvertently make things worse by trying to give us advice, trying to "fix" things when what we really need is a sympathetic ear, someone to just be there. Someone who, when we tell them how we're feeling, doesn't say, "Well, you should. . ." When we're hurt, the best thing we can do is allow our feelings to be, and to try to deal with them and let them pass. You may feel that your advice is valid, but we must keep in mind that what works for us more than likely won't work for others.
It's so tempting to want to be helpful. It's so tempting to want to
"make" a loved one feel better. But when I'm feeling down, I
may react best to laughter. You may react best to journaling about the
pain--and your advice to me to journal would be heartfelt and sincere, but not
at all helpful. You being there for me to just share the pain that I feel
and help me to deal with it would be extremely helpful.
I would like you to be there for me. I want to be there for the people in
my life. But being there doesn't mean that you or I have to
"fix" anything for anyone else--our compassion and our company can be
the most effective medicine that we can offer to someone who means a lot to us
in life.
* * * * *
Questions to consider:
* * * * *
Questions to consider:
Why do we tend to want to give advice and tell people what they should do when
they're dealing with problems?
How can we remind ourselves to stay quiet and simply listen when our loved ones
need someone to hear them?
Who in your life is someone who is there for you when you need them, without
trying to tell you how to solve your problems?
* * * * *
For further thought:
* * * * *
For further thought:
Silences make the real conversations between friends.
Not the saying but the never needing to say is what counts.
Not the saying but the never needing to say is what counts.
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