July 11--Love Doesn't Just Happen

Love doesn't suit the lazy; sometimes it requires
strong, precise actions.

Susanna Tamaro

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

Love doesn't just happen.  And it's not something that improves with age or grows ripe or comes with directions.  Love is the result of effort--effort to be aware of the needs of others, effort to fulfill those needs, effort to feel compassion and do something about it, effort to help where help is needed, even if that help is just being there and listening when you might rather be talking yourself.

"Romantic" love helps to perpetuate the myth that love is just something that we fall into, like a swimming pool or a puddle of mud.  When we see love as something that we "fall" in, then we have no responsibility for that love or for any work that will make that love stronger.  After all, when we fall in love, we're both committed to each other, and everyone lives happily ever after, right?

The answer, of course, is no.  That's not right.  Sometimes love requires us to do things we don't want to do, like ground our daughter or reprimand our son.  It may require us to stop doing something we love doing, and it may require us to start doing things that we don't really want to do.  Love requires us to take strong actions when and if love is our highest priority, and when and if the motivation behind all of our actions is, indeed, love.

When Susanna says that "love doesn't suit the lazy," she makes it clear that we cannot be lazy in our approach to love.  Love takes effort, and most importantly, love is worth every effort that we give to it.  We must decide not to be lazy if our love is to come anywhere close to reaching its potential; it's not going to do so just because we want it to or through some act of God.  It's completely up to us and our efforts.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

What kinds of actions might be appropriate for developing love and helping it to grow?

Why do we often think that if we're in love, there's no action required on our  part to keep that love alive and healthy?

What do you think Susanna means by "Love doesn't suit the lazy"?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Effort matters in everything, love included.
Learning to love is purposeful work.

Michael Levine




more quotes and passages on love

July 10--Acting as Spirits

Spirituality is a flower with a thousand petals:  every act, every
thought, every talk, every movement of our heart is a part of it.

Robert Muller

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Today's Meditation:

It really is interesting how we try to separate our spiritual lives from our daily lives.  Somehow, work isn't spiritual, yet church is.  Our relationships aren't parts of our spirituality--or better yet, only some of our relationships are what we would call spiritual ones.  It's as if we--who are at core spiritual beings--can somehow turn off our spirituality when we think it's not needed.

But there is no part of our lives that is not a reflection of our spiritual selves.  Unfortunately, many parts of our lives--our relationships, our work, our studies, our pastimes--are more accurately reflections of our spiritual neglect than they are reflections of our spiritual awareness.  It would be good for us if we were to remind ourselves very often that we are actually spiritual beings, and that the best thing we could ask ourselves in our life situations is, "What would I do here if my spiritual side were fully in control?

Perhaps we wouldn't have harsh words for that person who messed up our orders.  Perhaps we would think "I hope that person's life improves" instead of "Wow, what a jerk!"  Perhaps we would listen to our co-worker's story instead of dodging it.  Maybe we would be kind to ourselves when we made a mistake, realizing that we are still spiritual beings doing our best to be and act as spiritual beings instead of needy humans.

If everything we do is a spiritual act, then we have to ask ourselves which parts of ourselves keep those acts from reflecting our true spiritual selves.  In the process of reflection we may find some answers, but if we never ask ourselves, then we never shall figure out just where and how we keep our spiritual selves from shining through.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Which was your last act that you would call truly spiritually inspired?  About what percentage of your acts are so?

How would you define your own spirituality?  Do you maintain it well?

In what ways might you allow your spiritual side to shine through more strongly?

* * * * *

For further thought:

The spiritual life is, at root, a matter of seeing.  It is all of life
seen from a certain perspective.  It is waking, sleeping, dreaming,
eating, drinking, working, loving, relaxing, recreating, walking,
sitting, standing, and breathing. . . . spirit suffuses everything; and so
the spiritual life is simply life, wherever and whatever,
seen from the vantage point of spirit.

John Shea



more thoughts and ideas on spirit

July 9--We Are Vulnerable. We Are.

When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up
we would no longer be vulnerable.  But to grow up is to accept vulnerability.
To be alive is to be vulnerable.

Madeleine L'Engle

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

This is something that few of us want to acknowledge.  We are vulnerable, and we can be hurt.  We can be damaged, and we can lose whatever we have at a moment's notice--just ask anyone who's gone through a tornado or hurricane or earthquake.  Just ask anyone who has been left by a spouse, betrayed by a trusted friend, abandoned by parents.  We are vulnerable, and it's our acknowledgement of that vulnerability that allows us to put an edge on our lives, to see the importance of deciding which chances are truly worth taking in life.

When I was a kid, I thought that all adults had it all together.  Now I'm astonished to realize just how messed up my parents were emotionally, just how much pain they were going through and causing each other.  As an adult myself, now, I make sure that I don't allow myself to be subject to the causes of the pain that they went through.  I recognize that I'm very vulnerable myself, and there are certain types of pain that I don't want to expose myself to, for they're much more likely to be extremely damaging than other types of pain.

I completely accept my vulnerability--if I didn't, I would have no way of protecting myself.  If I considered myself invulnerable or impervious to pain and injury, then I would make no effort to avoid it.  Of course, I can't spend my life avoiding all pain, but there is a way to balance taking my risks with taking care of myself.

I like my vulnerability.  It's like a friend who keeps reminding me to be careful, even as I take risks and do things that others may not be willing to do.  And without our vulnerability, we wouldn't be able to feel the world, the emotions, the ecstasy and the agony and the joy and the pain--and these are the things that bring life to our existence.  These are the things that let us know that we are truly and fully alive.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

In what ways are you most vulnerable?  How do you know this?

How can you use your vulnerability to add quality and intensity to your life?

Why is it important to accept our vulnerability completely?

* * * * *

For further thought:

It costs so much to be a full human being that there are very few
who have the enlightenment or the courage to pay the price. . . .
One has to abandon altogether the search for security, and reach out
to the risk of living with both arms.  One has to embrace the world like
a lover.  One has to accept pain as a condition of existence.  One has
to court doubt and darkness as the cost of knowing.  One needs a will
stubborn in conflict, but apt always to total acceptance of
every consequence of living and dying.

Morris L. West



more thoughts and ideas on vulnerability

July 8--Can We Love the Work We Do?

All work is empty save where there is love.

Khalil Gibran

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Today's Meditation:

Most of us go to work to earn money, pay our bills, have a night out every now and then, try and put some money in savings or investments.  Work for most of us isn't a labor of love, but a means to an end.  Does that mean that all of our work is a waste of time if we don't love it?  I don't know about a waste of time if it is providing us with many of the things that we want, but I don't think that Khalil's use of the word "empty" is synonymous with the idea of wasting time--rather, "empty" means unfulfilling, unrewarding.

And doing our work with love isn't the same as doing our work that we love.  We don't even have to particularly like our jobs in order to do them with love.  I have done "empty" work, especially when it's been busy work that's served no real purpose (this happened a lot in the Army!), but usually, the gratification that I have or haven't gotten from my work has depended on what I've given it.

The most important questions we can ask ourselves are these:  Could anyone else in the world come in here and do this work exactly how I do it? and Am I staying focused on doing my absolute best and turning this work into a personal triumph, or am I just getting by until the end of the day when I can clock out?

If we're doing our very best and contributing our unique abilities and perspectives, we can be sure that we're not doing empty work, no matter how others may react.  I've seen people who turn their jobs at Wal-Mart into a chance to brighten the days of the customers with cheerful greetings and compliments and encouragement for the kids, and I've seen gloomy Wal-Mart associates that I don't even want to go near because it looks like they'll get angry at me.  Which ones are doing the empty work, and which are doing work that's fulfilling to them?

The bottom line is that work is empty if we don't bring love to it.  Work is fulfilling if we bring love to it, whether it's work in our gardens or at our place of employment.  How we bring love is up to us, and it depends upon our gifts and abilities.  But bring it we must, if our work is to mean anything to us, to the people we work with, to the people we work for, and to the people we serve with our work.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

What does it mean to you to show love at whatever type of work you're doing?

Why do so many people separate concepts like love and work in their minds and in their lives?

List three ways that you might be able to do your work with more love.

* * * * *

For further thought:

The beauty of work depends upon the way we meet it, whether we
arm ourselves each morning to attack it as an enemy that must be
vanquished before night comes--or whether we open our eyes with
the sunrise to welcome it as an approaching friend who will keep
us delightful company and who will make us feel at evening
that the day was well worth its fatigue.

Lucy Larcom




more thoughts and ideas on work

July 7--Giving in Love

It is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the doing.
It is not how much we give, but how much love we put in the giving.

Mother Teresa

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Today's Meditation:

I always have a very hard time with this concept:  even if I think I'm doing something with love as my major motivation, am I really?  It's very easy to do things because we want them to turn out as we think they should, or because we'll benefit in some way from what's done.  Even in giving, it's easy to fall into the trap of giving because it makes us feel good rather than giving because we truly want to show love to the recipients.

So what criteria can we use to know that we're actually doing or giving something out of love?  How can we examine our motives to figure out just why we're doing what we're doing?  And what motives are those inspired by love?

I think that in the end, it's a question of our thoughts being solely on the needs of the recipient.  It's important that we keep in mind the fact that the recipients of our actions have definite needs, and if it's within our power to meet those needs to a certain degree--without thinking a bit of the effect of our actions on ourselves--then we may just be putting love into what we do.  And if we can shift our mindset to always be focused on the needs of others, then it becomes a simple fact that all that we do and give is a result of love.

We all know people who claim to do things for others, but who are motivated more by self-interest than by the desire to help or by love.  And if we think that we don't want to be like them, then it's important that we remain clear about our own motives and actions, so that we can continue to act and give out of love, which is the purest form of motivation of all.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

What does it mean to you to do something with love?

How do other motivating factors work their ways into the things that we do for and give to others?

How might you keep your focus strongly on love when you're doing what you're doing in your life?

* * * * *

For further thought:

You can give without loving, but
you cannot love without giving.

Amy Carmichael



more thoughts and ideas on love

July 6--It's All in How We See Things

Inside yourself or outside, you never have to change what
you see, only the way you see it.

Thaddeus Golas

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

I think there should be a little more to this quotation; I believe that the point Thaddeus is trying to make is that if we want our worlds and our lives to improve, nothing has to change but the way we look at them.  And boy, is that true.  A shift in perspective, even a minor, subtle one, can help us to see that even in the midst of strife or crisis, the world is what it is, and the way we look at it determines how we feel about it.

Emerson once wrote about what would happen if we were to pack our bags and move to Venice in order to improve our lives--our surroundings would change, but we'd soon discover that we brought along the same old person.  We may live in a place we'd dreamed of, but we'd still see life and its situations in the same ways.  Our surroundings may provide us with a momentary lift or shift, but the bottom line always is that the way we see our selves and our lives is the most important determiner of how we live those lives.

Instead of judging ourselves, we can accept ourselves.  Perhaps we still want to change some things, but we are who we are at the moment, aren't we?  Instead of wishing the world were different, we can look for the hidden diamonds and treasures in life as it is--and they're often not even hidden, just invisible to us because we don't bother to try to see them.  Instead of dwelling on something negative that has happened to us, we can count our blessings and be truly grateful for them.

If there ever is to be any sort of change in our lives or the ways we live them, that change must come in our own worldview and self-view.  If we want to see improvements in our lives, the first step always is to see the beauty and the gifts in the world we live in, and truly appreciate them.  It's only when we improve the way we see the world that our world will start to improve around us.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

In what ways do you still look at the world or at yourself in negative ways?

What are some things you can do to truly improve your view of yourself?

Why is it more important to change how we see things than to change what we see?

* * * * *

For further thought:

The great lesson from the true mystics is
that the sacred is in the ordinary, that
it is to be found in one's daily life,
in one's neighbors, friends, and family,
in one's backyard.

Abraham H. Maslow




More thoughts and ideas on perspective.

July 5--Our Connections

All are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny.  Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.  I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be, and you can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

Oh, boy.  These words, of course, are completely true, but they do come with a mandate for each one of us:  help others become what they ought to be, and keep working at becoming all that we as individuals ought to be.  There's a great deal of responsibility tied up in these ideas, all brought about by the fact that we are unified as human beings, and not separate at all.  We like to look at ourselves as separate because it relieves us of the responsibility in our own minds, but the fact is that we all are completely tied together.

We learn that we are separate from others very early in life.  We learn that we are not our brothers' and sisters' keepers, and we even learn that life is a competition, and that the very people with whom we should be working towards better lives for all are people who are our enemies, or our competitors.  We don't value cooperation when we're so focused on competing.

It's only when we accept this mutuality of which Martin writes that we can truly begin to become what we ought to be.  Because what we ought to be is a strong contributor to the single garment--the tapestry of life should have many threads contributed by each of us, but if we don't see the unity in the process, we may even see ourselves as not even needing to contribute.  But that's a misconception that can be very damaging to us, and if we damage ourselves, we damage everyone.

What affects you, affects me.  What affects the cashier at the supermarket affects the woman who's buying milk.  What affects the teller at the bank affects his co-workers and the customers who come to his window.  We need to be ready and willing to accept our unity if we're going to contribute strong, healthy, beautiful threads to the "single garment of destiny."

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

How are you connected to each of the people with whom you make contact each day?  How are you connected to those with whom you don't make contact?

What does "unity" mean to you?

How can you go about becoming the person you ought to be?  How can you help others to do so?

* * * * *

For further thought:

We cannot live only for ourselves.
A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow humans.

Herman Melville

more on oneness