August 31--Calm and Gentle Strength

Overstraining is the enemy of accomplishment.  Calm strength that
arises from a deep and inexhaustible source is what brings success.

Rabindranath Tagore

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

We see very often that people try to overplay their hands, that they try so hard to do something or control something or somebody because they want others to think that they're super strong.  They're posing.  Many kids in my high school classes are posers in this way.  Someone hurts them and they say they don't care when they really do.  Someone takes something of theirs and they have to threaten the other person with physical violence, just so that others can see that they're "strong."

But real strength doesn't manifest itself in overexertion or threats against others or in being "better" than others.  Real strength is seen in the person who can look at a situation and act truly and authentically, without worrying what others may think of him or her.  Real strength is seeing the situation and determining what is an appropriate response no matter what onlookers may think of it.

One of the strongest people I've ever known never, ever had to prove her strength, and she never talked about how strong she was.  She did the work she needed to do without doing 60-hour weeks, and her work was better than that of others who were killing themselves at her job.  She was confident and she knew what needed to be done and she did it well, without forcing herself to do more.

If we want to be successful, it's important that we keep in mind what Rabindranath has said here.  It's the calm strength that comes from deep inside that helps us to be truly successful, that helps us to accomplish wonderful things.  We may do some things well without that calm strength, but that success is fleeting, and we can't count on it to repeat itself.  The inner strength is the great gift that we can give to the world, for with it we can contribute great successes that are lasting.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

What's the difference between inner strength and superficial strength?  Whom do you know who has each kind?

Why does inner strength seem to be more rare than superficial strength?

Why do people who depend on superficial strength tend to overstrain so often?

* * * * *

For further thought:

You will succeed best when you put the restless,
anxious side of affairs out of mind, and allow
the restful side to live in your thoughts.

Margaret Stowe




More on success.

More on strength

August 30--Not Everything Is Our Responsibility

If people concentrated on their responsibilities,
others would have their rights.

Stuart Briscoe

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

Sometimes we tend to think that everything is our responsibility, that we're supposed to have our hands in everything.  This perspective not only tends to cause us an awful lot of stress, but it affects other people as well.  We all have witnessed the micromanagers at work, people who not only do their jobs, but also try to tell others how to do their jobs to the most miniscule details.

This isn't a "live and let live" approach, though--it's more like a "live and tell others how to live" approach.  It keeps others from being able to do things on their own, in their own ways, often under the threat of retaliation or firing or withdrawal of affection.  It keeps others on edge, uncomfortable, even fearful.

I worked in a unit in the Army with a Commanding Officer who was like this.  In that situation, none of us really had the right to do our jobs the way we had been trained to do them; instead, we all had to do the best that we could, knowing that this CO would show up eventually and tell us to re-do our work, his way.  His interference (or meddling, to be fair) kept us all from working effectively, and kept us all miserable at work, for we never knew what was coming next.  In families, parents can have this effect, and in offices, managers can; in schools, principals and superintendents and even teachers can.

We all have our own responsibilities to take care of, and when all is said and done, that's enough, isn't it?  Why do we so often feel that we need to tell others how to take care of their responsibilities?  When we do so, we interfere in a very real way with the lives they're trying to lead and the work that they're trying to do, and don't they have the right to do what they're doing without constant interference or meddling?

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

What causes people to want or need to interfere in the lives of others instead of taking care of their own responsibilities?

How often do you find yourself telling others how they should do things under the guise of "advice"?

How is telling others how to deal with their responsibilities or how to live their lives, taking away their rights?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Letting go doesn't mean we don't care.  Letting go doesn't mean we shut down.  Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave.  It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment.  It means we stop trying to do the impossible--controlling that which we cannot--and instead, focus on what is possible--which usually means taking care of ourselves.  And we do this in gentleness, kindness, and love, as much as possible.

Melody Beattie




More on letting go.

August 29--God Is in the Natural Details

Prayer is believing in something bigger than yourself, or anything you've ever
touched or known.  It's telling a river or an open field that you need a little help.

Ashley Rice

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

"Telling a river or an open field."  What beautiful words of wisdom, and what a refreshing perspective on prayer.  For centuries, dogmatic religious types tried to tell people how to pray, where to pray, when to pray, even which words to use, and I think that people ended up being just a little frustrated with their experiences in prayer.  After all, prayer is supposed to be a personal experience, but the highly-directed forms of prayer were anything but personal.

Most of my best praying comes when I'm out for a walk in the woods or mountain or on the beach.  At such times I have far fewer distractions and I'm in the presence of creation--and not just the human side of creation, which really is a small portion of creation as a whole.  When I'm out for a walk in nature I can feel the immensity of our world and my smallness in it, but also I can feel that I belong to it.  And my doubts about God fade in such situations, and I feel a closeness to divinity that I usually don't feel on a busy day in a place where I have lots of obligations and responsibilities.

There truly is nothing wrong with asking God--whatever you conceive God to be--for help, and when you feel God closer is usually the best time to ask.  After all, do we ask our parents or friends for help more often when they're far away, or when they're closer?  The closer we feel to God, the more likely that we feel that the effects of the prayer are positive, and since prayer is almost just as much about ourselves as it is about God, how we enter prayer and how we feel about our prayers goes a long way towards determining the effectiveness of our prayers.

As an omnipresent being, God is with everything and in everything.  It makes sense to speak to a lake when our intention is to speak to God, for the lake is just as much a part of creation as anything else, and its beauty and peacefulness provide a very appropriate backdrop for the prayers we send forth.  Communication consists of sender, receiver, and medium, and a beautiful part of nature is a great medium through which to contact God.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Why do we get locked into certain prayer rituals or methods?

Where do you pray the best?  Where do you feel that your prayers are most effective?

How can we teach ourselves to look for new ways to pray?

* * * * *

For further thought:

I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting
station, through which God speaks to us
every hour, if we will but listen.

George Washington Carver




More on prayer.
More on nature.

August 28--Meditating in Your Own Way

Fishing provides that connection with the whole living world.  It gives you the opportunity of being totally immersed, turning back into yourself in a good way.  A form of meditation, some form of communion with levels of yourself that are deeper than the ordinary self.

Ted Hughes

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

Personally, I'm not a fisherman.  I enjoyed fishing when I was a kid, but it's not something that I've stuck with as an adult.  But the important part of Ted's words here isn't the part about fishing, but about having an activity that allows a person to be completely immersed in the moment, focusing only upon that particular activity and not thinking about the other things in life that tend to get our minds going 'round and 'round without being able to stop-- which is definitely one of the main causes of frustration and burnout in people.

When you have forms of meditation of your own, when you have activities in which you can become completely immersed, then you have ways to deal with the hectic pace of life.  You have methods for calming your mind and finding clarity.  You have a strategy for breaking out of the rat race and defining your participation in it on your own terms.

I've got many such strategies for meditation, and none of them involve sitting quietly in one place for hours (I always fall asleep when I try it that way!).  I bike, I run, I do dishes, I shovel snow, I wash my car, I read good books, I go for long walks, I listen closely to music that's playing.  Anything that keeps my mind occupied on one particular task and keeps it from going off on all the tangents that it so loves to explore is helpful to me, and I finish those tasks feeling refreshed and revitalized, ready to face the world and deal with it on my terms.  When I neglect doing these sorts of things, I find myself getting stressed and feeling frantic and frustrated, and I don't like feeling that way. 

What will do it for you is obviously up to you.  You are who you are, and you have your own interests and abilities.  Perhaps drawing or painting, or cleaning the house, or ironing clothes.  Anything that keeps you focused fully on what you're doing, keeping your mind occupied on something you're doing, can be a very helpful and useful part of your life.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

What kinds of things do you do that make you feel refreshed and make your mind clearer when you're done with them?

Why do we focus so much on what we think other people want us to do instead of on what we know is good for us?

How might we discover new things to do that are forms of meditation?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Through meditation and by giving full attention to one thing at a time,
we can learn to direct attention where we choose.

Eknath Easwaran




More on meditation.

August 27--Being a Leader

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more
and become more, you are a leader.

John Quincy Adams

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

I'm sometimes astonished to find out which people don't consider themselves to be leaders.  I know people who are wonderful role models of honesty, courtesy, love and compassion, but who don't think that they have any effect on others at all.  I know teachers who can get kids to do anything they want, but they separate the term "teacher" from "leader," and they don't see themselves as being leaders.  The simple fact is that we all have the potential to be leaders, whether we're leading people to think differently by sharing a different perspective or do something differently or better by teaching them, showing them, or guiding them--or all three.

Most of us learn to be followers, because we tend to put our leaders up on pedestals that we think we never can climb up.  We think that they have gifts that we don't have, and the they have abilities that we lack.  When we see ourselves in their place, we just know that people would argue with us, cut us down, and make the job of leadership impossible.  But it certainly is not impossible for any of us.

Part of the question we have to ask ourselves is just whom shall we lead?  I led college students through writing and literature courses for 15 years; now I lead high school students through different courses.  Parents lead their children through learning and self-discovery and lessons on how to deal with others and how to help and be compassionate.  In an office, one person can lead his or her peers to feel better every day by sharing important thoughts, photos, or even a snack or a kind greeting or words of encouragement.  Leaders don't necessarily tell people what to do--leaders inspire and teach and share.

"Dream more, learn more, do more, and become more."  What a beautiful thought.  And what a beautiful set of circumstances to which we can make a definite and powerful contribution, as long as we really do see ourselves as leaders and take that role seriously.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Why do so few of us actually see ourselves as leaders?

In which situations do you actually have to exercise leadership skills?

How might you strengthen your ability to lead others in subtle ways that may be very valuable to them?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Before you are a leader, success is all about growing yourself.
When you become a leader, success is all about growing others.

Jack Welch




More on leadership.

August 26--Laughing at Failure

When we begin to take our failures non-seriously, it means we are ceasing
to be afraid of them.  It is of immense importance to learn to laugh at ourselves.

Katherine Mansfield

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

I used to see failures as disasters.  If I failed, that meant that others wouldn't trust me any more, that they would see me as a failure, that they would judge me harshly and avoid me.  I was pretty silly.  Failure is simply failure--trying something and not being able to do it.  Some of my biggest failures have been some of my greatest learning experiences, and I don't regret them a bit.  In fact, I'm very glad of them.

Because I saw failure in such a dramatic light, the fear of failure was one of my strongest driving forces.  I wasn't driven by the desire to do the best I could or the desire to learn or the desire to help others; rather, I was driven by the fear of failure and judgment, and while I did accomplish a lot of things in those days, I never really reached my full potential in anything because I simply wasn't striving to reach my potential--I was striving to avoid failure.

Nowadays, I'm the first person to recognize my failures, and I'm the one who points them out to others so that they can have a good laugh at them, too.  "Look what I tried," I can say now, "and it sure didn't work."  And by being open about the failure instead of trying to hide it, I can actually learn from it and grow as a person.  I can also help others to deal in a healthy way with their failures--not by laughing at them, of course, but by helping them to accept the failures and not judge themselves as failures because of something they've done or haven't done.

This is all fine, of course, to a certain extent.  When others are depending on me and I'm doing something that we all know I'm capable of and that's important, then failure isn't an option.  When I've made promises, failure to come through on those promises is not something to laugh at.  When I'm driving, failure to follow the rules of the road isn't something to take lightly, for other people's safety is at stake.  But all in all, since I've stopped taking most of my failures so darned seriously, my life has been much more fun and much less stressful, and I like both of those changes.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

How do we learn that failure is such a "drastic" thing?

Why are we so willing to judge ourselves harshly for failing to do something, even if it's something we've never done before and have had no preparation for?

What's  your most recent failure?  How drastic was it really?  Was it life-changing, or just something you did or didn't do?  If it was life-changing, how might you avoid repeating it?

* * * * *

For further thought:

You need the ability to fail.  I'm amazed at the number of
organizations that set up an environment where they do not
permit their people to be wrong.  You cannot innovate
unless you are willing to accept some mistakes.

Charles Knight




More on failure.

August 25--Attention Can Cause Appreciation

When something does not insist on being noticed, when we aren't
grabbed by the collar or struck on the skull by a presence or an event,
we take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.

Cynthia Ozick

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

Sometimes it's the lack of attention-grabbing that is the most important to us.  How many times have we read the stories of the kids who were no problem to their parents, how they felt neglected and lonely because the parents were always focused on the kids who were always in trouble and neglected the kids who caused no trouble.  In a case like that, we should be incredibly grateful to the child who is well behaved, yet the truth is that we do, indeed, take him or her for granted.

There are many things that don't grab our attention.  The toilet that doesn't back up, the car that doesn't need servicing, the television that lasts for years and years, the friends who never borrow money or make us feel uncomfortable, the co-worker who is reliable and dependable and who always has everything done--all of these things and people are deserving of our greatest gratitude, for they help our lives to move on smoothly without terrible bumps or bruises.  Yet we tend to keep our minds focused on the problems, and we forget to be thankful for the things that are going well.

There are also events that are like that--the birthday party that flows smoothly, the trip to the baseball game, the class we attend that goes off without a hitch each week, the meeting or the meal that flows smoothly and is enjoyable--we don't keep our minds on these things because they don't call our attention like the party that has problems or the trip to the ball game that involves the car breaking down or the meal that's ruined because the bread gets burned and there's too much salt in the soup.

One of the most important skills that we can develop in life is that of making gratitude an active part of who we are.  When we can recognize the things that really do deserve our thankfulness, then we can actually recognize just how well we do have things, and just how blessed our lives truly are.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Why do we tend to be more thankful for some things than for others?

Think about the last few times you've felt deep gratitude.  Does it tend to happen after some sort of trying event, or on a daily basis with the ordinary things that you have and go through?

Name two strategies for actively developing our sense of gratitude.

* * * * *

For further thought:

Can you see the holiness in those things you take for granted--
a paved road or a washing machine?  If you concentrate on finding
what is good in every situation, you will discover that your life
will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul.

Harold Kushner





More on gratitude.

August 24--Giving Our Bodies a Chance to Thrive

Remember that the body is the temple of the soul.  Those who mistreat the
body tend to mistreat the soul within.  Observe vital health laws, such as
exercise, healthy diet, and self-control.

Susan Santucci

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

So many of us treat our bodies as enemies.  We abuse it through neglect, overuse, covering it with chemicals, filling it with chemicals, and all sorts of other activities that don't serve at all to prove that our bodies actually are temples for our souls.  This body is a wonderful gift, and if we abuse it, we're making sure that it doesn't function properly and therefore diminish the quality of our time here on earth.

In addition to being a temple, though, the body generally gives an accurate reflection of how we treat ourselves as spiritual beings, too.  Do we neglect our bodies, not giving them enough exercise or healthy foods?  Then there's a very good chance that we neglect our spiritual side, too.  Do we mistreat our bodies by indulging in harmful chemicals from things like cigarettes and unhealthy foods?  Then guess what?  We're probably mistreating our spiritual selves, too, by introducing unhealthy thoughts, ideas, and images.

Most people don't even tend to think of some of their most unhealthy habits as even being related to the body.  It's easy to drink four or five sodas a day without even thinking of the effects of the caffeine and the corn syrup on the bodies we have.  It's easy to eat fattening foods and highly processed foods and even too much food without keeping in mind that for every pound of fat we put on, our hearts have to work that much harder and our muscles have to compensate to carry around more weight and our joints are strained and unable to function at optimal levels.

Taking care of ourselves is a full-time job, obviously.  But just how do we care for ourselves?  Are we fully aware of all that we're doing--and not doing--to make sure that we're giving our bodies the best of chances to be healthy and functional?  Some people may want subconsciously to have a body that gives them problems because that gives them freedom to ignore other deeper, more important problems, but that really is no way to live.  Our bodies are the temples of our souls, and we really should treat them with respect, dignity, and care.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

How does it become so easy for us to neglect our bodies over long periods of time?

What kinds of things do you do that keep your body from being the best that it can be?  Why do you do them?

What does it mean for our bodies to be the "temples of our souls"?  How do we normally treat temples when we visit them?

* * * * *

For further thought:

The body is the soul's house.  Shouldn't we

therefore take care of our house so that it
doesn't fall into ruin?

Philo Judaeus




More on the body.

August 23--Realistic Goals

The danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling
short, but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.

Michelangelo Buonarrati
(attributed)

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

It is possible that it wasn't Michelangelo who actually said or wrote these words, but that's okay.  The words themselves are the important part, and it's basically another way of saying that if you aim for the treetops and reach them, then what?  But if you aim for the stars and reach only the heights of the sky, then you're still better off than if you were in the treetops.

I agree only partly with this idea, though.  I do believe that it's important that we set our sights high, that we create real challenges for ourselves that will force us to step out of our areas of comfort and push ourselves harder than we would without the lofty goals.  If we "settle," if we set our aim low--be it for a job, a spouse, a vacation, a new car--we could end up with a job we despise, a spouse who treats us poorly, a horrible vacation, a clunker of a car that's unreliable and costs more to maintain than a more expensive car would have.

On the other hand, I've learned from teaching over the last two decades that one of the most important things we can give ourselves in our efforts to improve ourselves is a series of successes--we must feel that we've accomplished something sometimes if we're to have the confidence to take on the next challenge, to learn the next thing, to accomplish the next project.  If our goal is to reach the stars and we never do so, then we never will have successfully reached goals we've set for ourselves, even though we had to accomplish a great deal to get where we did.

I've had students on the track team who could have trained with the best coaches in the world for years, and who still NEVER would have won state in their events.  And that's okay.  In working with them, we set goals for improving their times, for reaching personal records, for doing well in the regional meets and the invitationals-- even reaching the state meet sometimes.  We never would have set a goal of winning state because it simply wouldn't have come to pass.  Those students finish the track season having succeeded in most of their goals, and they have the experience of having set realistic goals and then doing the work necessary to achieve them.

We must be careful with our goals.  It is important to set our aim high, but it's also important to include goals that are very achievable so that we can keep track of our successes and know that we are moving forward and upward in life.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

What are some of the dangers of setting our aim too high and then never reaching those goals?

What are some of  the dangers of setting our aim too low and then "settling" for something that's far below our potential?

Are goals important in the first place?  How do they help us in our lives?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Goals are simply tools to focus your energy in positive

directions; they can be changed as your priorities change,
new ones added, and others dropped.

O. Carl Simonton




More on goals.

August 22--A Reputation for Generosity

We'd all like a reputation for generosity, and we'd all
like to buy it cheap.

Mignon McLaughlin

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

There's nothing at all wrong with wanting to be known by others as being a generous person.  I would love to have such a reputation.  Unfortunately, though, reputations cost something to develop, and I'm usually not able to pay the price to gain a legitimate reputation for something such as being generous.  It's not that I don't want to pay the price; it's more like I'm not able.

We can be generous with time, with money, with goods, with food.  We can share anything and everything that we have, including wisdom and cars and ice cream.  But sharing is one thing, and being generous is something else.  Generosity comes from the heart, and the person who is truly generous doesn't think at all about the returns of what he or she is giving.  That's something that I'm still unable to do at least half the time--very often I do think of the returns on what I'm giving, which makes my giving much less of an act of generosity and more of an act of self-interest.

I believe that true generosity is something that we work towards our whole lives long.  I'm not ashamed to say that I'm interested in returns because that's the way I've learned to give throughout my life, and I definitely am working myself away from that attitude; I'm simply not there yet.  I have a ways to go, and that's okay.

I know that whatever reputation I have, I must earn.  I can earn a reputation for generosity only by being truly generous, and one day I hope to be there.  For now, I think I have a reputation for being fairly generous, because that's all I've earned.  When I learn to truly give with all my heart and without thought of recompense, then I'll be able to start earning a reputation for generosity.  And it won't come cheap, but at that point I won't care about that.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

How do you define "generous"?  Do you fit your definition?

How can we learn to give from our hearts in a spirit of true generosity?

What kinds of reputations can be bought "cheap"?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Generosity consists not of the sum given, but of the manner in which
it is bestowed.

unattributed




More on generosity.

August 21--True Education

I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and then spend six
months as a bartender and six months as a cabdriver.  Then
they would really be educated.

Al McGuire

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

Having gone through many, many years of college and then taught college for another couple of decades or so afterward, I would have to agree completely with Al.  Students leave college programs well acquainted with information and theory, but very few social skills, very little wisdom.  Knowledge does not equal wisdom, yet many people stay completely satisfied with knowledge their whole lives through.

Bartenders and cabdrivers have jobs that demand that they deal with other human beings their entire shift long.  Much of their contact can be negative, of course, and neither job is necessarily a dream job, but they sure can teach you valuable lessons about how to deal with your fellow human beings.  They can teach you how to be tolerant of others' shortcomings and mistakes, and they can help you to learn to judge less and listen more.  They can teach you to value the truly important things in your life because in those jobs, you have to deal with many people who are going through many different experiences themselves, and often having a very hard time of it.

Perhaps the most important element of these jobs, though, is that they put people in positions in which they have to listen.  Listening--and truly paying attention while doing so--is a skill that can prove to be one of the most valuable skills of our lives, if we ever actually cultivate it and practice it. 

We all have people in our lives whom we tend never to listen to, but if we can strike up conversations with the janitors, the vendors, the waitresses, the mechanics--we just may find that we learn something about life and living that we haven't ever learned from the people who are already in our lives.  And if we ever do learn to truly listen when others are speaking, then we can really enrich this experience that we call life.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

What's the difference between learning information and theories and learning about life and living?

When was the last time that you had a conversation with someone you don't normally converse with?  Did you learn anything about that person?

Why do we tend not to stretch our limits by finding new people to listen to and learn from?  How are we biased in choosing which people we'll listen to closely?

* * * * *

For further thought:

The teaching which is written on paper is not the true teaching.
Written teaching is a kind of food for your brain.  Of course
it is necessary to take some food for your brain, but it is more
important to be yourself by practicing the right way of life.

Suzuki Roshi




More thoughts on learning; more on education; more on listening.

August 20--Accepting Others Is What We're Here to Do

One day our descendants will think it incredible that we paid so much attention
to things like the amount of melanin in our skin or the shape of our eyes or our gender
instead of the unique identities of each of us as complex human beings.

Franklin Thomas

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

It is amazing how much we dwell on surface matters.  We still do think differently about people from different nations, people with different skin colors, people who speak different languages.  I do.  It's something that was taught to me as I was growing up, but it's not something that I'm proud of.  It is something that I do my best to keep in check, that I try very hard to correct as soon as any thought of difference enters my mind.

Probably the most important reason for which we still have biases against others is simply because we don't know them.  They may be great, great people, but if all of our judgment is based only upon what we see, then we're going to judge incorrectly.  It's only when we get to know a person that we actually can get a sense of who they are and what they're capable of.  But not knowing leads to another problem:  fear.  We fear the unknown, and we fear the loss of our own systems of belief, our own ways of looking at the world.  When all is said and done, people who are different represent a threat, and when we're threatened we tend to get defensive; when we're defensive, we don't think nearly as clearly.

We spend our lives wanting other people to know us for our uniqueness--our personality, our character, our abilities and talents.  Yet we don't try to do the same thing for others, especially if those others are "different" than we are.  It really is quite a shame, too, for those different people surely have much to teach us that would be of great value to us.

One day when our descendants are discussing just how strange it was that we focused so much on skin color and eye shape, make sure that your descendants will be able to say about you, "Yes, but not my grandmother (or grandfather).  She never judged on such things--she was fair and open-minded."

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

From where do most of our prejudices come?  Why do we allow them to stick around, even after we've grown to learn the truth about them?

How might we go about  teaching our young people to be not just tolerant, but loving and accepting of other people's differences?

What kinds of things do we think were incredible for our ancestors to believe? Why did they believe such things?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Those who are possessed with a prejudice are possessed
with a devil, and one of the worst kinds of devils, for it
shuts out the truth, and often leads to ruinous error.

Tryon Edwards



More thoughts and ideas on prejudice.

August 19--Respect Yourself

That you may retain your self-respect, it is better to displease the people

by doing what you know is right, than to temporarily please them by doing
what you know is wrong.

William J.H. Boetcker

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

I can't even begin to count how many times I've done things that I've thought were wrong just to please other people, just to fit in, just to make others think that I was somehow "cool."  The major problem always has been that I've had to live with my regret afterwards, knowing that I've done something that I knew was wrong before I ever did it.  Fortunately, it's something that I almost never do nowadays, for the price that I've paid in embarrassment and regret has been a very good teacher, and I hope to avoid both as much as I can in my life.

I think William is completely correct when he says "temporarily please them."  If someone is asking you to do something that he or she knows is wrong today, you can be sure that if you do it, there will be more similar requests in the future.  Today you may cover up the missing cash or hide the mistake of a co-worker, but what's that going to lead to next week?  And when we do something that we know is wrong, we also set ourselves up for having to lie about it somewhere down the road--something else that we know is wrong, but that we have to do to save face (or even more).

Our self-respect is a precious resource in this life of ours, and it can be lost cheaply, or maintained at what seems sometimes a high cost.  But anyone who asks you to do what you know is wrong and then decides to shun you when you refuse is not someone who is going to be good for us in the first place.

We maintain our self-respect with decisions, over and over again.  What we decide to do either strengthens or diminishes our self-respect, and it's much better to go after the long-term benefits of doing what we know is right than to go after the short-term benefits and resulting difficulties of doing what we know is wrong.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

What are some of the other factors that go into making decisions to do things that we know are wrong?  How strongly do those factors influence us?

How might we clearly see what is right and wrong in any given situation?  What kinds of questions can we ask ourselves?

Think of a time when you've done something you knew was wrong?  How did it make you feel?  How might you have felt had you decided not to do it?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Self-respect cannot be hunted. It cannot be purchased.
It is never for sale. It cannot be fabricated out of public relations.
It comes to us when we are alone, in quiet moments, in quiet places,
when we suddenly realize that, knowing the good, we have done it;
knowing the beautiful, we have served it;
knowing the truth, we have spoken it.
Whitney Griswold



More on self-respect.

August 18--We Are Always Role Models

Example is not the main thing in
influencing others—it is the only thing.

Albert Schweitzer

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

Very often in our modern cultures we learn that we can influence people best through the use of words or manipulation.  Usually we find that our influence in such cases is fleeting, at best.  If we've used words or manipulation, as soon as we're out of the picture, the people whom we've affected start to doubt themselves and the message that they've received.  "Something's not right," they think, and that's true.  Such influence simply isn't authentic, especially if we say one thing and then turn around and do something else.

Our most important influence is on children, for we can help them to grow up to be happy individuals who contribute to society--but only if we provide them with strong positive examples that they can see regularly.  They are incredibly perceptive, a fact that we tend to forget, and they learn more from our examples than they do from our words or our threats. 

Many people in positions of authority feel that it's enough that they tell their subordinates to do things, and they don't feel that it's important that they follow their own mandates.  But if I want to have an office or a factory or a restaurant of hard workers who are kind to others, then I need to be a hard worker who is kind to others myself.  If I treat my subordinates poorly, they'll tend to treat others poorly, without kindness or dignity or respect.  If I criticize my daughter or son or start arguments, it's obvious what kind of example I'm setting for my grandchildren.

All of our decisions should include at least the question, "What kind of example would I be giving to a child here?"  When we decide to break a law by speeding or talking on a cell phone while driving, we're setting an example.  When we fasten our seat belts and follow the rules of the road and drive courteously, we're also setting an example.  And someone sees it--even if it's only ourselves.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

What kinds of examples do you wish to set for young people?  For your own children or grandchildren?

Why do most people not think about the idea that they're always providing examples, no matter what they're doing?

How might we go about making sure that the examples that we're setting are positive and helpful?

* * * * *

For further thought:

If you as parents cut corners, your children will too.  If you lie,
they will too. If you spend all your money on yourselves and tithe
no portion of it for charities, colleges, churches, synagogues, and
civic causes, your children won't either.  And if parents snicker
at racial and gender jokes, another generation will pass on
the poison adults still have not had the courage to snuff out.

Marian Wright Edelman




More thoughts and ideas on role models.

August 17--The Waste of Worry

Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of

years.  If something is wrong, fix it if you can.  But train yourself not to
worry.  Worry never fixes anything.

Mary Hemingway

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

I used to worry a lot.  I still worry a little, but I try to catch myself at it and stop it.  Worrying was doing me no good at all--it had no effect at all on any situation, and it aggravated the heck out of me.  And what's worse, no one has ever sympathized with me while I've been worrying.  They always say things like, "Worrying doesn't help anything."  But no sympathy.

Mary puts things in perspective very well, I think.  First of all, she helps us to realize that time spent worrying is time wasted, and since we don't have all that much time to enjoy this planet to begin with, why in the world would we possibly want to waste a couple of years of our time?  And worrying definitely is wasted time.  Secondly, she reminds us that we should try to fix things that are wrong, but if we can't, we can't, and worrying won't change that fact.

We can train ourselves not to worry.  The most important thing to do is to train ourselves to recognize when we are worrying, and to know what we're worrying about, and stop it as soon as we realize we're doing it.  I may be out of money, but worrying provides no income.  My child may be out in a storm, but worrying doesn't provide safe passage.  I can prepare myself to go out and look for her if need be, but worrying won't make a bit of difference.

If we could banish worry from our lives, what lives they would be!  And here's the problem--we can banish worry from our lives; we just don't learn how to do so.  But we can change that dynamic!

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

What has worry ever accomplished in your life?  How did worry accomplish it (if there is anything)?

What are some strategies you can use to train yourself not to worry?

Do you know anyone who doesn't worry?  How do they do it?  What effects does the lack of worry have on their lives?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Do you remember the things you were worrying about

a year ago?  How did they work out?  Didn't you waste
a lot of fruitless energy on account of most of them?
Didn't most of them turn out all right after all?

Dale Carnegie




More on worry.

August 16--Let's Go for a Walk!

Walking takes longer than any other known form of locomotion
except crawling.  Thus it stretches time and prolongs life. Life is already
too short to waste on speed.

Edward Abbey

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

We all seem to know that the things that are most important in our society aren't the best things for us, yet few of us are willing to look at exactly what those things are and do something about them.  One element of life that our society values that can be very damaging to us as people is speed--there's very little actual need for it, and our efforts to speed everything up can have very negative effects on our lives.

Only when we purposely slow ourselves down and refuse to jump into the speed game that we see just how calming and relaxing something like taking a casual walk--not a speed walk to burn a maximum number of calories--can be.  In fact, for many people taking a walk is quite the same thing as meditation, and the walks allow them to think things through more clearly, arriving at clarity much more quickly and accurately than they would have if they hadn't taken the time to slow down.

There are things that do take speed.  A doctor in an emergency room doesn't have a lot of time to make decisions; factory workers with quotas to meet do need to work quickly; a journalist with a deadline mustn't dally; but in our lives there are many more situations that could benefit from our slowing down, thinking clearly, and pondering things more deeply.

Walking is wonderful exercise for the body and the mind and the spirit, and it's very easy to do--and also very easy to neglect.  If we could spend more time walking and taking life easy, we would spend more time feeling good about ourselves and what we're doing.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Why do so few people make or take the time for walking?

How could you fit more walking into your daily schedule? 

What benefits does speed really have for most of our activities?  Are those benefits worth the trade-off of losing time to slow down?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Slow down and enjoy life.  It's not only the scenery you miss by going to fast--you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.

Eddie Cantor



More on hurry

More on walking

August 15--Beauty Is Everywhere, in Everyone

To seek after beauty as an end, is a wild goose chase, a will-o'-the-wisp,
because it is to misunderstand the very nature of beauty, which is the normal
condition of a thing as it should be.

Ade Bethune

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

We all are beautiful.  It's just too bad that most of us can't see the beauty in each other, or in ourselves.  We've been trained to look for flaws, so our personal searches for beauty have become searches for flawlessness rather than searches for the beautiful.  If our goal is to make ourselves beautiful, we're wasting our time.  We're already beautiful, whether we're willing to admit it or not.  We've just put up so many barriers to our beauty over the years in the form of biases and beliefs and walls to protect ourselves that our beauty simply isn't the part that's most obvious--our protective layers are.

Our normal condition is beauty.  There really isn't more to it than that.  What we tend to believe about beauty, though, is what our society deems to be beautiful, some sort of ideal that only a very few reach.  This is a crock, quite simply.  Some of the most beautiful people I've ever met have been those who are completely fine with themselves the way they are, and they focus on things other than trying to reach that ideal--things like helping others and nurturing themselves and giving and caring.

Are you seeking beauty in yourself?  Well, it's already there, and it's fabulous.  Are you seeking beauty in others?  Again, if you're not seeing it then it's not because it isn't there, because it most certainly is there.  And if you can't see it, then you must ask yourself:  are you seeking beauty, or are you seeking an ideal?  Because there's plenty of the former, yet very little of the latter.

When we misunderstand what beauty is, then we doom ourselves to looking for something that we'll never find.  It's like searching for diamonds, but not knowing what they look like.  We may see many of them, but never recognize them.  When you really do open your mind enough to actually see the beauty in the people and the world around you, and in yourself, your world will transform, and you'll find that your life will transform, also.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

From where do we get our ideas of what beauty actually is?

Why do most of us not recognize true beauty when we see it?

How can we go about learning to understand more clearly and accurately just what beauty is?

* * * * *

For further thought:

The fact that we can't see the beauty in something doesn't suggest
that it's not there.  Rather, it suggests that we are not looking carefully
enough or with a broad enough perspective to see it.

Richard Carlson



More thoughts and ideas on beauty.

August 14--Do Our Beliefs Move Us Forward, or Hold Us Back?

If you have a belief that the people who love you will leave you, then sure
enough, it will happen.  Over and over again.  So you had better become
aware of your unconscious beliefs.  They are creating your experience of life.

Leonard Jacobson

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

There are certain principles in life that are pretty consistent, and this is one of them.  How we act usually determines how we are treated, and what we believe usually determines how we act.  In the case that Leonard mentions, if you believe that people who love you will leave you, then either you're going to treat them badly or with distance or you're going to try to hold on to them too hard, and either way you're engaging in behavior that tends to make people want to put distance between themselves and you.

Most of us don't pay much attention to our unconscious beliefs because we never go deep enough into ourselves to figure out what they may be.  Do you believe that you're not meant to be wealthy?  That you're not meant to be happy?  That you're not meant to have a strong, healthy relationship?  That you don't deserve to be treated well?  I can't tell you how many people I've met who have had chances at great relationships with loving, caring people, but who have rejected those people in favor of others who treat them so poorly that it's completely unbelievable that they actually chose this other person.

In my case, one of my strongest battles is with the belief that I will always struggle financially.  It's a lesson that my parents instilled in me over and over again, and one that I internalized deeply.  It's a belief that I make true through my actions, and those actions come about because of the unconscious nature of my belief.  It's silly, but it's the way things are, and while I constantly work to change my situation, I also constantly work to change the beliefs that continue to make the situation reality.

In which areas of your life do you struggle?  Have you dug deeply and been honest with yourself about your true beliefs about those areas?  Are your problems in a relationship related more to the other person's actions, or to your beliefs about how the other person should act?  We all go through struggles in life, and many of them we cause ourselves, making them completely unnecessary, but no less true.  When we uncover those beliefs and work to change them, we can start to move ahead more quickly, for we will start to see our lives change, and then adopt a new belief to replace the old, silly one.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

How do we come to have the beliefs we have?

How can the beliefs that we have affect the ways we act?

When do we adopt most of our beliefs about who we are and what we deserve in life?  Is that the best time to adopt beliefs?

* * * * *

For further thought:

The thing always happens that you really believe in
and the belief in a thing makes it happen.  And I think
nothing will happen until you thoroughly and deeply believe in it.

Frank L. Wright




More quotations and passages on belief.