October 31--Our Differences Can Be Our Assets

I didn't belong as a kid, and that always bothered me.  If only
I'd known that one day my differences would be an asset,
then my early life would have been much easier.

Bette Midler

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

I was kind of like Bette when I was a kid, always feeling that I didn't belong.  What I've come to learn since then, though, is that most of that lack of belonging came from me, from my own feelings of not belonging, and not necessarily because I really didn't belong.  I felt like I didn't belong, so I acted like I didn't belong.  And as long as I acted like that, how else were other people supposed to treat me?

Much of the way I felt came from the fact that my father was in the military and we moved around rather often.  That meant that I was often starting out in new schools where I didn't know anyone else.  That really didn't end up mattering, as I always made a friend or three to spend time with, but the fact was that even with them, I felt that I didn't belong, and that they were somehow doing me a favor by being my friends.  But again, those were my feelings, not the way that things were.

We don't realize as kids that having a couple of good friends is all that anyone can ask for, and once you have those, it doesn't really matter if you "fit in" with the social order as it stands.  So what if you don't "fit in" with those people who are always wearing the latest fashions, or who are smoking across the street or who are going hunting as soon as the season opens?  You are who you are, and one of the important tricks in life is to be with the people who accept you as you are and enjoy your company--and whose company you enjoy.

We all have differences, but many of us hide them so that we'll "fit in" with others.  Those differences, though, if we develop them and celebrate them, can help us to make something very special and very unique of our lives, so we shouldn't worry at all if we're not just like everyone else--we should be grateful that that's the case.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

What are some of the major differences inherent in who you are as a person?

Do you ever feel that you don't belong in some sort of setting?  Where do you think those feelings originate?

How might we help ourselves to realize that as human beings, we fully belong to communities of other human beings (except in those situations in which people make a purposeful effort to exclude others)?

* * * * *

For further thought:

The individual has always had to struggle to keep
from being overwhelmed by the tribe.  If you try it, you
will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened.  But no price
is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.

Friedrich Nietzsche




More on individuality.

October 30--Gardens of Love and Compassion

If we make our goal to live a life of compassion and unconditional
love, then the world will indeed become a garden where all kinds
of flowers can bloom and grow.

Elisabeth Kuebler-Ross

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

I think Elisabeth is talking about two different things in the same sentence:  about us making our own lives, our own worlds into gardens, and about us making other people's lives and worlds into gardens.  Both of these things, though, take love and compassion, because without those two qualities shared generously and unconditionally, life never shall be the garden that it has the potential to be, not for you and not for the people upon whose lives you have your effect.

The first thing she says, though, is that the world can become a garden "If we make our goal" to live love and compassion.  A beautiful world for us doesn't just happen--it takes effort to create it, to form it, to develop it, to push it to its extraordinary limits.  If our goal is to be loving and compassionate, then we naturally will commit loving and compassionate actions, and through those actions--as long as we expect nothing in return for them--we can make our lives extraordinary, and we can contribute extraordinary things to the lives of others.

What kind of garden do you wish your life to be?  Do you want to make your life into a lush garden with healthy flowers and plants, or do you want your garden to be dry and barren and full of weeds?  Well, just like a garden, you control the results of your life through what you put into it.  A garden that is treated with love and given all it needs to thrive shall thrive, whereas a garden that is neglected or treated wrongly or poorly shall not thrive.

The question is, what are you giving to your life?  Plenty of water and TLC, or just the bare minimum to allow it to survive, but not thrive?  If that's the case, then perhaps a shift to giving more love and compassion to yourself and others is in order.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Why is it important to share the love and compassion that's within us with others?

What can you do today to make the garden of your life flourish?

How often do you share--actively share--your compassion and unconditional love with others?

* * * * *

For further thought:

We're all assigned a piece of garden, a corner of the universe
that is ours to transform.  Our corner of the universe is our own
life--our relationships, our homes, our work, our current
circumstances--exactly as they are.  Every situation we find
ourselves in is an opportunity, perfectly planned by
the Holy Spirit, to teach love instead of fear.

Marianne Williamson




More on life as a garden.

October 29--Present Blessings

Reflect on your present blessings, of which every person has many,
not on your past misfortunes, of which all people have some.

Charles Dickens

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

How many blessings do I have in my life right at this moment?  Oh, my goodness--if I really were to sit down for five minutes and make a list of the people and things and situations in my life that are positive, those blessings would far outweigh my past misfortunes, and they also would outweigh the current negative things, of which there are relatively few to speak of.

Charles gives us some really good advice here.  If we spend our time thinking of misfortunes already past, then our minds are occupied in the present moment with negative thoughts and ideas, and just how can that possibly help us to live in a positive way in the here and now?  We always have a choice as to what we focus on in our minds, and if we choose to keep our minds on negative things from the past, no matter how justified we feel in doing so, we're still keeping our minds focused on the negative.  And what good does that do?

One of the reasons for which I prefer to stay focused on my present blessings is that I've found from experience that the more I stay focused on blessings, the more blessings come my way in the future.  It's like by focusing on the positive, I'm opening a door that lets in more positive; conversely, when I focus on the negative, I'm opening a door for the negative and more negative things push their way into my life.

We've all faced misfortune.  Some of us keep ourselves miserable by continuing to focus on those misfortunes, and not allowing ourselves to open up to the positive.  Others of us, though, allow those misfortunes to lie in the past, where they belong, and we focus on the blessings that we have.  The ability to make the most of our here and now lies in our decisions concerning where we keep our own focus.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Why is it so easy for so many people to stay focused on past misfortune?  What good does it do them?

How many blessings do you have in your life right now? 

How might we go about keeping our minds on our blessings?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing
you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It is
not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing
which keeps you from hope and love?

Leo Buscaglia





more thoughts and ideas on letting go

October 28--Efforts for Peace

The world will never have lasting peace so long as people reserve
for war the finest human qualities.  Peace, no less than war, requires
idealism and self-sacrifice and a righteous and dynamic faith. 

John Foster Dulles

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

We do spend a lot of money on war.  We spend a lot of time and effort and money and energy on creating things that will harm our fellow human beings because we're afraid that if we don't do so, we'll be vulnerable to attack and conquest, that we'll lose our chosen way of life and be forced to live the ways that other people want to force us to live.  What would happen, I wonder, if we were to spend just as much money and time and effort pursuing peace? 

What would happen if our peace budget were as much as our defense budget?  What could we accomplish in this world as individuals if we were to focus on creating peace in our own lives, and in our own relationships, as much as we focus on making money and doing things that we think others want us to do?  The finest human qualities to which John refers, I believe, are things like dedication, perseverance, focus on accomplishment, hard work, courage, and sacrifice.  Do we put these things into practice each day in our relationships and into our communities?

There's something about hardship that seems to stimulate our survival instincts.  And once those are stimulated, we seem to be able to reach inside and tap into reserves of qualities that are among the best we have.  It's unfortunate that we so often wait until adversity strikes to reach inside and find those strengths--for they're strengths that could contribute much to the spread of things like peace and community and compassion if we were to apply them to those things.

I can imagine some of the qualities that I might find inside myself in times of great turmoil and struggle.  The trick is to tap into them during other times so that I might use them in ways that will contribute positive things to this world of ours while I'm here.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Why do so many people not tap into their finest qualities every day in order to work towards lasting peace?

What does "lasting peace" mean to you?  Is it just a pipe dream, or is it a possibility?

Who is responsible for lasting peace in our world?  Is it just the leaders, or are more of us actually responsible for contributing to it?

* * * * *

For further thought:

The real and lasting victories are those of peace, and not of war.

Ralph Waldo Emerson




more thoughts and ideas on peace

more on war

October 27--Your Heart Knows

The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is
a person's conscience.

Harper Lee

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

Sometimes I think that Harper's words here should read "The one thing that shouldn't abide. . ."  In our world we all see people doing things that they know they shouldn't do just to be cool, or just to be accepted, or just because others expect to do something.  When we deal with our internal conflicts with our consciences, there's often a good chance that we will rationalize the decision that makes things the easiest for us or the one that's going to get us accolades and/or acceptance.  And here's the scary part--we often allow ourselves to justify what we've done by adjusting our consciences to make the action okay.

Do we have the ability to adjust our conscience?  Can we truly convince ourselves that something wrong is actually right, and not feel the least twinge of remorse for doing that thing or for not feeling wrong about it?  Sometimes, I believe we do--but I also know that not everyone is willing to do so.  Most people aren't even willing to try to do so.

Why is it so difficult to listen to our consciences, though?  Why do we not want to acknowledge what it's telling us to be true or wrong or right?  It really does seem to be that pressure from others that makes things difficult for us, be they friends or colleagues.  But no matter what pressures we face, the final decision about whether to follow our conscience or not rests with us; and the final decision about whether to accept what it tells us lies with us, also. 

Our conscience should not abide by majority rule.  Many people squelch the important voice inside themselves by telling themselves that everyone else thinks a certain way, so why should I think any different?  But the question is not whether you're thinking differently or not, but whether you're following what you know in your heart and soul to be true.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

What are some of the pressures that weigh against us following our consciences?

Why is it so easy sometimes to just go with the flow and do what everyone else is doing, whether we agree with it or not?

How might you be sure that you keep yourself open to the messages that your conscience is sending you?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Conscience, as a mentor, the guide and compass of every
act, leads ever to happiness.  When the individual can
stay alone with his or her conscience and get its approval,
without knowing force or specious knowledge, then he
or she begins to know what real happiness is.

William G. Jordan




more thoughts and ideas on conscience

October 26--The Power of Your Smile

Life is not made up of great sacrifices and duties but of little
things in which smiles and kindness given habitually are what
win and preserve the heart and secure comfort.

Humphrey Davy

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

Yesterday I was walking through the elementary school wing of our building and I saw a little girl about five years old walking towards me.  She was wearing shoes that had lights in them, and she looked incredibly friendly.  Our eyes met and we smiled at each other.  "Your shoes are really cool," I said, and her smile grew even bigger and she positively beamed.  Her smile made my day much, much brighter, and it's something that sticks in my mind and brightens each moment that I think of it.

Many years ago, on a cold and dreary winter morning in Salamanca, the same thing happened to me.  A little girl on the street, holding her mother's hand--our eyes met, and we shared a smile that has stuck with me for three decades.  That smile is still with me, while so many other things that I thought might have been very important to me have fallen by the wayside, and are no longer in my mind.  In my life I remember more the smiles and the hugs and the words of encouragement that I've been blessed to give to and receive from others than I remember the jobs or the tasks or even many of the "accomplishments" that I've achieved.

That's why I fully believe in Humphrey's words.  The things that have touched my heart are the things that stay with me and that keep me constantly remembering how positive life can be, how powerful a simple smile can prove.  I've shared such smiles with adults, too, but more rarely--children seem to have a greater ability to include their hearts in their smiles.

I've had very big successes in life, but to be completely honest, if I were to choose which memory I would like to have foremost in my mind all the time, I would choose one of these smiles from people that I don't even know than I would a graduation or an award.  I would choose my wife's smile at our wedding over the wedding itself, and I would choose times spent sharing silence with loved ones over any times spent in cheering crowds.  Life is filled with simple, deep moments, and if we can truly appreciate the depth and beauty of those moments, much of the rest of life becomes much more positive.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

Why do we tend to undervalue the simple kindnesses that others show us?

What to you is the best part of a shared smile or a simple kindness?

Do you search out opportunities to share smiles and simple kindnesses of your own?

* * * * *

For further thought:

What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity.
They are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along
life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable.

Joseph Addison




More on smiles.  -  More on kindness.

October 25--Give Thinking a Try

Few people think more than two or three times a year.
I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking
once or twice a week.

George Bernard Shaw

* * * * *

Today's Meditation:

While I recognize that George's tongue must have been firmly in his cheek when he said this, he's not at all far from the truth with this comment.  True thinking is, indeed, rare--rather than think on our own, we tend to react with our thoughts; rather than ponder concepts and ideas carefully, we tend to skim over them with our first reactions and not take our time and think our ways to the core of the matters at hand.

Most of the work that I do, I can do quite easily without tons of effort--and I do it that way.  Most of my relationships I can maintain with a minimum of effort--and I do so, because I can and because other things take up my time and my thoughts.  Most things that I need to think about deeply, I think about superficially, mostly because I don't feel that I have the time to consider something on its own when there are so many other things that need my attention, also.

But our best inventors, our best scientists, our best architects are all people who are able to give their undivided attention to something and stick with it.  They're willing to take the time out of their days and make the efforts to think deeply about one thing for long stretches of time.  I sometimes feel that way when I'm writing, especially novels--they force me to put my mind on the topic at hand and think it through more deeply than I'm used to, and that really is a good feeling when it happens.  Yes, I do neglect other things at those times, but that neglect isn't anything terrible--I just get to other things a bit later.

If we want to really think--to really exercise our minds and our ability to ponder--then we need to make time for it and we need to make the effort clearly and fully.  True thought isn't the multitude of thoughts that race through our minds each day as we go about our business and shift from thought to thought all day long.  True thought is keeping our attention on one thing and considering it from different angles and perspectives, and true thought is something that can enrich us greatly and add a beautiful dimension to our lives.

* * * * *

Questions to consider:

How would you define truly thinking?  How often do you participate in that activity?

Why do we tend to get caught up in our racing thoughts, unable to slow them down or control them?

What are some ways that you can practice thinking at a different level than you think now?

* * * * *

For further thought:

Five percent of the people think;
ten percent of the people think they think;
and the other eighty-five percent would rather die than think.

Thomas A. Edison